BLACK DOG: Dog days for No 10’s Larry as Sajid Javid’s pet tries to take a chunk out of the Downing Street’s Chief Mouser
Relations between 10 and 11 Downing Street plummeted last week after Sajid Javid’s dog Bailey tried to take a chunk out of the PM’s Chief Mouser Larry the Cat.
In trademark Treasury tactics, the Chancellor’s camp tried to spin its version of events first, claiming Bailey had been provoked by the No 10 moggy.
Dog hears it differently. ‘Bailey started it but Larry definitely finished it,’ says a source.
Relations between 10 and 11 Downing Street plummeted last week after Sajid Javid’s dog Bailey tried to take a chunk out of the PM’s Chief Mouser Larry the Cat. Larry is pictured above
Are the first cracks appearing in Dominic Cummings’s reign of terror?
Youthful ministerial advisers – known as Spads – no longer have to stand for their weekly Friday night dressing-downs, sorry, meetings with Boris’s fearsome Brexit enforcer.
‘He’s now providing chairs,’ whispered one brave Spad. ‘We can still quiver with fear but at least we can do it sitting down.’
In trademark Treasury tactics, the Chancellor’s camp tried to spin its version of events first, claiming Bailey (above) had been provoked by the No 10 moggy
At last Friday’s showdown, Cummings complained he had read lots of anonymous complaints about demanding total obedience – dubbed the ‘jihad on Spads’ – and asked if anyone wanted to complain to his face.
Funnily enough, no one piped up, but at least they were able to sit on their hands…
Svelte Tom’s wizard idea for a diet book
Tom Watson is apparently planning a book on the low-carb, sugar-light diet that did wonders for him
Fed up with colleagues badgering him on how he shed 98lb, Tom Watson is apparently planning a book on the low-carb, sugar-light diet that did wonders for him.
Dog hears that Labour’s Deputy Leader has spoken to Harry Potter creator J K Rowling’s literary agent.
And why not? The new slimline bespectacled Tom can just about pass for a middle-aged version of the boy wizard.
Consternation in the fanatically pro-Brexit Tory ERG group at the discovery that – horror of horrors – rampant Remainer David Gauke used to be a member.
The recently resigned Justice Secretary, famous for mocking ardent Brexiteers for chasing unicorns, admits it but insists his active ERG days were before 2010, when it was in its more moderate ‘pre-unicorns’ phase.
Helping Boris get Brexit over the line is looking like child’s play for Jacob Rees-Mogg compared with a far trickier problem – fulfilling ten-year-old daughter Mary’s fervent wish for a dalmatian puppy.
‘I’d love to have a dog but I fear it is impractical as we split our time between London and my Somerset constituency,’ sighs the Commons Leader.
‘Can’t we talk about Brexit instead?’
Fresh from breaking the taboo over bad-mouthing the Royal Family in public by describing the late Queen Mother as an ‘overweight, chain-smoking gin drinker’, Nigel Farage was firmly back in the bosom of hallowed English tradition last week.
Shivering beneath his umbrella on a washed-out first day of the Ashes Test at Lord’s, the Brexit Party boss harrumphed: ‘Well, what do you expect if you start a Test match on a Wednesday?’
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