Chris Hemsworth Is Going To Play Hulk Hogan In A Netflix Biopic

Great news for everyone who loves watching Chris Hemsworth with his shirt off, which I’m assuming is everyone with a pulse: he’ going to play Hulk Hogan. Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?! Oh wait–wrong one.

The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that Chris will star in a biopic being directed and written by the same people working on the new The Joker movie, Todd Phillips and Scott Silver–so we can already guess what kind of awful wig these hoes are gonna try putting on Chris’ head. The movie is probably going to be a Netflix-type scenario with the deal “in the midst of closing”. The movie also has some Oscar-winners involved, with the Academy Award winning producer of SpotlightMichael Sugar, producing the movie alongside Bradley Cooper who works with Todd in their company Joint Effort. Chris will also get a producer’s credit for putting on that white wig and putting other sweaty muscled men in headlocks.

Everyone obviously knows about how Hulk was basically The Rock of the 80s and 90s except less likeable. But things didn’t really keep going well for Hulk, though, as he had a bunch of financial issues later in life and there was that whole racist/homophobic sex tape with his friend’s wife which was a big deal and earned him one pink slip from the WWE and one HUGE settlement from Gawker, which he also put out of business. Apparently the biopic will miss all this juiciness, however, and instead sources are saying it will focus on Hulk’s rise and will be an origin story.

I think you’re doing a grave disservice to Hulk’s legacy by not doing the sex-tape stuff. I’m not paying to watch a Hulk Hogan biopic unless Chris Hemsworth has a sweaty, shirtless workout montage lasting minimum two full minutes with close-ups of his pecs and some rope skipping in loose shorts, OR there is a sex-tape scene where we see Chris’ giving his friend’s wife his huge, club-sized dick. One or the other, you have to pick Netflix; don’t let me down.

Pics: Paramount, WWE

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