‘The hardest part is the evening when I can’t FaceTime her’: Richard E. Grant says he has an ‘ongoing conversation’ with late wife Joan following her death from lung cancer

Richard E. Grant has said he still has an ‘ongoing conversation’ with his late wife Joan Washington in his head, following her death from lung cancer in September 2021.

The actor, 65, has written a memoir called A Pocketful Of Happiness, the title of which came from his wife’s challenge to him to find a pocketful of happiness in each day as her last challenge to him.

Speaking to Radio Times about her passing, Richard said: ‘The hardest part is in the evening, when I can’t FaceTime Joan and tell her about the minutiae of my day. 

Couple: Richard E. Grant has said he still has an ‘ongoing conversation’ with his late wife Joan Washington in his head, following her death from lung cancer in September 2021

‘I have an ongoing conversation with her in my head, knowing there will be no reciprocity.’

Richard told how he misses Joan more around the winter period during Christmas and their wedding anniversary in November.

He said: ‘Our wedding anniversary is on 1 November; Joan’s birthday is on 21 December; there’s Christmas Day and then Oilly’s [his nickname for his daughter Olivia] birthday is 4 January. 

‘Last year, Oilly and her partner Florian very generously invited me to Venice and then to visit his family in the south of Austria, which was absolutely magical. 

Memoir: The actor, 65, has written a memoir called A Pocketful Of Happiness, the title of which came from his wife’s challenge to him to find a pocketful of happiness in each day as her last challenge to him

‘This year I’m going with the two of them to the Caribbean, so that I’m not in London at Christmas.’

Richard’s book is a memoir of grief and is told mostly through the diary that he kept throughout Joan’s illness.

Speaking about the writing process, he said: ‘I’ve kept a diary since the age of ten and didn’t stop when Joan was diagnosed. 

‘I posted a video on Instagram last New Year saying that my wife’s last challenge to our daughter Oilly and me was to find a pocketful of happiness each day. 

‘A publisher got in touch with my agent, saying it would make a perfect title for a memoir. My initial response was no; it was far too raw. 

‘But Oilly said it would help me navigate the abyss of grief in which I found myself. Her wise words, at 33, proved to be true.’

Richard said: ‘The hardest part is in the evening, when I can’t FaceTime Joan and tell her about the minutiae of my day’

Asked if it was tough to read through the diary, Richard added: ‘I wanted to remember what all the stages were like, so that every time I think Joan was taken too soon, I can remember that she had a really fulfilled life with her family and friends, and that she adored her job as dialect coach to the likes of Ralph Fiennes and Nicholas Hoult. 

‘Oilly and I both felt that we were really privileged because we had eight months to say everything we wanted to.’

Richard said the grieving process has been helped by being a ‘glass half full’ person, saying he considers each day a blessing after his fathers’ death at the age of 53.

He said: ‘It’s a cliché, but I was born seeing the glass three quarters full. I think it’s because my father died at the age of 53, when I was 24. 

‘I was shocked at his life being cut short and it really galvanised me to make the best of every single day. So each year that I’ve lived beyond his 53 years – [I’ve reached] 65 and a half so far – feels weirdly like a bonus.’

The Loki star added that he never considering censoring himself or worried about ‘oversharing’ during the writing process.

Candid: Richard told how he misses Joan more around the winter period during Christmas and their wedding anniversary in November (pictured together in 2019)

He said: ‘Oversharing is a very un-English quality. When I’m in the USA or Ireland, it’s not something that’s ever flagged at me. It feels like a way of saying, “You’re not English,” even though I feel English. 

‘I didn’t want to censor; I wanted to remember Joan in the prime of her health as well as to remind myself that she was ready to go in the end.’

Richard also told how he received support from friends incuding Nigella Lawson and King Chares following Joan’s death.

He said: ‘Nigella, having lost her mother, sister and first husband to cancer, understood that you don’t offer to help, you just get on with it. 

‘She was so incredibly generous and kind, as were many others. I won’t forget the one per cent who disappeared. That was revelatory.’

The latest issue of Radio Times is on sale now.  

Interview: The latest issue of Radio Times is on sale now

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