A MOM has revealed how she was widowed with seven kids, then married a new man after just two months of dating him.

When Erica Means joined an online widows’ group for support after her husband Tony died from a brain tumor, she had no idea it would lead to new love and a huge family.

She connected with another widower, Spencer Shemwell, who had just lost his young wife in an horrific car accident.

The pair became friends but their feelings quickly turned into something much more and now Erica, 35 and Spencer, 34 are married with their 11 kids.

Although they're extremely happy, the family have faced judgement for moving on so quickly.

Here Erica, who lives in Provo, Utah, with her extended family, tells her story…

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“I always thought me and my husband Tony, a high school teacher, would grow old together.

We’d been together since I was 19 and we had always wanted a big family, so in January 2009 when he fell ill and was diagnosed with a brain tumor, it totally threw our dreams and plans.

Doctors at the Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City told us that he had a grade 2 astrocytoma tumor with a survival rate of seven years.

We were determined to fight it together and I watched him endure brain surgeries, chemotherapy and many rounds of radiotherapy.

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We never lost our hope and we continued to make memories with our children.

But in March 2016, the tumor grew faster and despite everything, it was relentless.

My poor Tony faded before our eyes – it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to watch.

In December 2016, six months after being told his condition was terminal, Tony passed away aged just 31 years-old and four months shy of the birth of our seventh child.

Even though we were expecting it, the grief was horrific. I felt I had lost my purpose and all of my dreams with him.

I was in a fog for months. I prepared myself for giving birth but it was almost impossible – I missed Tony so much and I prayed that Tony would be with me in spirit when I gave birth to our son.

On a beautiful March morning in 2017, I gave birth to our son Caleb and for the first time, surrounded by the most caring nurses who were like angels to me, I felt peace.

Living with seven children was a lot, but I coped better than I thought I would.

Through my kids, I let go of the anger and grief of losing Tony and learned to accept my blessings.

Of course, I missed Tony desperately but I focused on my family and rebuilding our lives without him. I had to – I was still so young with a lot of living to do.

About a year or so after I lost Tony, I joined an online widowers’ group.

I wasn’t looking for anything other than support and to share my own experiences to help someone else, but in December 2017, I received a message from a guy called Spencer.

Just a month earlier, in November, Spencer, his wife Aimee and their four children had been involved in a serious car accident when they were t-boned by a semi lorry.

Aimee, who was just 29, died instantly but miraculously, no-one else was hurt.

Spencer, who was struggling to come to terms with what happened, was looking for support from people like me, who knew exactly what it’s like to lose the love of your life.

We really hit it off on a deeply spiritual level and as he lived over the other side of the country in Virginia, we spoke via video messaging.

As the weeks went by, we talked almost every day – I met his kids online and they were super sweet.

In May 2018, he came to Utah to a widow’s conference with his kids, so we decided to meet up.

I was a bit nervous to meet him in person – he hugged me and something shifted inside of me.

We were still technically strangers having met for the first time but I wanted more. It was confusing.

Our kids met a few days later and they got on well – we were all sad when their visit came to an end.

But then Spencer sent me a text saying how much I meant to him and how he wanted more – it totally threw me.

I couldn’t imagine how long-distance dating could work and I wasn’t ready for a relationship, so I turned him down.

He was such a special friend, that I was afraid dating would complicate everything.

My daughter Emma, then nine, told me that she was very hesitant and cautious about our marriage. I think it happened so fast that she didn’t have time to adjust. 'I’m not sure I want to be a part of such a big family,' she told me

The following July, Spencer moved his family to Utah to be with close friends, who lived about an hour from me.

He’s in construction and he saw that there were more business opportunities in Utah.

Again, he asked me to date him but I was already dating someone else.

“If it doesn’t work out, I’ll let you know,” I told him.

By the October, I couldn’t escape my feelings for Spencer and this time, he was much living closer so a romantic relationship was possible.

I missed the close, deep relationship you can only get with a spouse and I already felt that love with Spencer.

People’s reactions were definitely mixed to us getting married so quickly. I heard that some friends were judgemental and that’s okay – I get it

I also knew that Tony would want me to find love again and kind, sweet Spencer was a good choice.

We started officially dating and in January 2019, just two months later, we were married in Progo, Utah.

I know it sounds very quick, but we wanted our kids to have the stability of having a mom and dad in the home, plus we felt like we had known each other for years.

People’s reactions were definitely mixed to us getting married so quickly.

Some people, like family, were excited for us because they had seen me living through so much grief and sadness.

I heard that some friends were judgemental and that’s okay – I get it. It didn’t matter to me because I knew I was doing the right thing.

The one person’s opinion who did matter was my daughter Emma, who was nine at the time.

After we married, she told me that she was very hesitant and cautious about our marriage, even though she liked Spencer and his kids.

I think it happened so fast that she didn’t have time to adjust.

“I’m not sure I want to be a part of such a big family,” she told me.

Interestingly now, she’s the closest of my kids to Spencer.

It’s been a trip, but we are happily married and we have no regrets.

My kids Landon, 14, Emma, 13, Lily, 11, Sophie, 10, Tanner eight, Amelia, six and Caleb, five truly love their new father and their siblings Brayden 14, Harper, 10, Avery, eight and Bexley, six.

When we first got a house together, it was like a big sleepover every night but now they argue and get along just like siblings do.

We are so blessed to have found love second time around and I know that Tony is looking down and is happy with my choices.”

Spencer, 34, says: “Losing Aimee so suddenly was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with.

"It altered the direction of my life and there was nothing I could have done to avoid it.

"Aimee was so young – I was driving the car, but the lorry hit her side and she couldn’t be saved.

“On a practical level, I was left with being a single dad to four kids and it was a lot.

"We had been married for almost 10 years and it was tough not having someone to share parenting with and the difficulties that come with it.

"It was also hard not having someone to share the good times with.

“Meeting Erica was a God send but I had never given-up on finding love again.

"I was young and I knew I didn’t want to live my life as a widower.

"We immediately hit it off online and during our video chats – when I met her, I knew I wanted more very early on. It was just so natural.

“My family were super supportive of our marriage.

"In fact, one of the most supportive was Aimee’s mom, my mother-in-law Rachael.

"She was so gracious – I am grateful to her for giving our marriage her blessing.

"Rachael had planned to be at our wedding but in the end she couldn’t because she was in hospital, but her love was with us and she visits us whenever she can.

“Having a blended family is an ongoing process.

"There have been difficult times but also very rewarding times, too.

"It’s definitely different raising children I haven’t known from birth but I love them just like my own and it’s an honor to raise them.

"To feel that love reciprocated has been one of the best things to come out of our marriage.”

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