ANY parent will know the frustration of seeing your child have a meltdown and not being able to understand why.
But a child expert has revealed that asking “what’s wrong?” is right at the top of her list of phrases to avoid.
Parenting coach and social worker Connected Parenting Au shared a video on their TikTok account, as they revealed “three things not to say when your child is having a meltdown.”
The mum-of-four then explained that there are several things that mums and dads could say that would make the situation worse.
She began: “Number one is ‘What’s wrong?’ Here’s the problem with that. When our kids are really unregulated and upset, they can’t actually access the information about what it is that’s wrong.
“So it’s better not to ask them what’s wrong and instead try to name the feelings [saying things like], ‘it looks like you’re not ok, you’re having a really hard time, let me help you with that.’”
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Connected Parenting Au then said that while it may be tempting to say the words “go to your room,” it’s best avoided.
She said: “Put your hand up if when you were upset as a kid someone said, ‘Go to your room and come back when you’re regulated.’
“Yeah, me too. And here’s the thing – when we send our kids to their room, the ideal is that they will somehow find that calm on their own.
“Kids cannot find their calm on their own, what they learn to do is not show the emotion, not how to regulate their brain.”
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Instead, the mum encouraged her followers to either go to their child’s room with them, or sit with them and talk through their troubles.
The third and final thing on Connected Parenting Au’s helpful list was to avoid phrases like, ‘you’re ok’, ‘you’re fine,’ and ‘up you get.’
She explained: “I get it, we want to say this because we want our kids to be ok.
“The problem is when we say, ‘you’re ok,’ what we’re really saying is, ‘I’m not ok if you’re not ok.”
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Offering up her alternative, she continued: “What to say instead – ‘you look upset, are you ok?’
“This lets our child know that it’s ok to come to us when they’re sad and when they’re happy. It tells them that we’re their safe space.”
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