We usually always look to celebrities for the latest trends in fashion, technology and decor — or just about anything. However, as time has passed, we realized that fame does strange things to people, and we are not only talking about horrendous outfit choices, but poor parenting choices. Right now, as it stands, the Kardashians, who are always in the spotlight, seem to remain there because of their ridiculous choices, and one of those bad choices they keep on committing is their choice of baby names. Celebrities always crave attention, and to get even more of it, it seems like naming their children some crazy and odd names gets them just that — how silly? Sounds ridiculous, but it regrettably does give them all the attention and buzz they need. The worst part about it all, is those children, born to celebrities, were unable to choose their names and will have to deal with their parent’s unfortunate choice for the rest of their lives. These weird celebrity baby names led us to conclude that the A-listers were either under the influence when they chose the crazy odd names or that the money and popularity got to their heads.
The worst part about it all, is like the Kardashians, many celebrities are repeat offenders (because one ridiculous name is not enough), which is maybe for publicity; because any publicity is good publicity for stars. Take a look at the list to see the most bizarre names that gave us something to talk about.
20 Blue Ivy
Everyone calls Beyoncé Queen B, but she is definitely not the Queen of names. Her and her rapper beau Jay-Z, have a daughter together and her name is Blue Ivy, if you did not know. Now, if we did not know the A-list couple, we would probably think that their child was a boy, because the name sounds more masculine than feminine. The problem with this name is that it does not sound like a name, but rather a description. The two stars are so lavish, one would expect a fancy name from them, instead it sounds like Ivy is the object and Blue is the adjective. Imagine when Blue Ivy goes to school and the teachers take attendance — she must shyly raise her hand when she gets a strange regard. The name is also too close to the villain Poison Ivy — sorry.
19 Zuma Rossdale
Zuma? Did Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale want to name her after the trendy dance form and forget the B? Gwen and Gavin do not have conventional names themselves; though normal, they are not the most common names, and we would have expected their child to have an original name, but Zuma just does not fit right for a person. Zuma is actually the name of a beach in Malibu, and Zuma beach sounds dreamy, but Zuma as a name for a child definitely misses the mark. And before we continue to explain why Zuma is a terrible name, take a second to Google the name (or word) and check out what kind of health condition it is. You will agree that poor Zuma will not be very fond of his name when he is older and Googles it too.
18 Pilot Inspektor Lee
Some celebrities must get confused between a person’s name and a job description, and we are not sure why; maybe they name their child jobs in hopes that one day they will live up to their names. Actor Jason Lee, who plays the role of David in the live animation movie Alvin and the Chipmunks, named his son Pilot Inspektor, and we are completely baffled and puzzled. Maybe Lee wanted to be a pilot when he was younger, or maybe he wanted to be an inspector? And so, in hopes that his son becomes either or, he baptized him with that full-on ridiculous name. And his play on the word inspector by misspelling it is completely ridiculous also and it did not fool us. “Hi, what is your name?” “Pilot Inspektor.” “No, I asked for your name, not job…and wait, isn’t it plane inspector?”
17 North West
We all know how much the Kardashians love and crave attention, so is it any surprise that Kim and Kanye would name their daughter a name that would garner loads of attention? Not at all. Not to be too cruel or harsh but saying Kim and Kanye’s daughter’s full name together sounds like an airline name rather than a person’s name. Before this, we encountered a celebrity baby name that is similar to a job description, and now we have Kim K’s daughter whose name resembles an airline or compass directions. At this point, whether we love it or hate it, we have all gotten used to the fact that their first-born child is named after cardinal directions. Maybe, it is a tradition that dates way back, who knows? It obviously took a Kardashian to start a new baby name trend.
16 Jermajesty Jackson
Just about any first name with the last name Jackson sounds smooth, sounds epic and sounds like royalty, until Jermaine Jackson from the Jackson 5 named his son Jermajesty Jackson. We tried to enter the mind of Jermaine to try and comprehend how and why he would come up with such a foolish name considering how recognized the Jacksons are. Looking at the names of his previous children, they all commence with the letter J, so Jermaine obviously has an affinity for the letter of his first name, but Jermajesty? Really? We could instantly think of countless names that start with the letter J off the top of our heads that do not sound ridiculous. The Jacksons have always been a creative bunch, but Jermaine’s play on the words “your majesty” to name his son Jermajesty just does not resonate with us.
15 Kal-El Coppola Cage
Sometimes, naming your child something dumb, is all it takes to get the attention needed as a celebrity in Hollywood. Take actor Nicolas Cage for example, who is not a movie critics favourite ― we guess he could have used some publicity to get his career rolling. Well, his name was on the tongues of many people after he named his son Kal-El. The name does sound pretty brilliant when reading it in writing on first glance, but after saying Kal-El Cage out loud, we are not too certain it rings true.
According to Cage, who is a huge comics and Marvel fan, he named his son Kal-El because it is the Kryptonian name for his favorite superhero, Superman.
We think that is cool, but Cage, did you really have to bless your son with that full-on moniker?
14 Apple Martin
Compared to the name Pilot Inspektor, this one is not so bad ― but seriously, Apple? We think that some celebrities forget that their poor children are going to have to deal with their absurd name choices for the rest of their lives. We all know that a little girl named Apple is bound to get teased in school by her fellow peers ― shame on you Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow. Apple is an unusual first name and definitely would have been funkier if they maybe used Apple as a middle name instead. We could only assume that Paltrow and Martin really like apples and that they liked the vibe of this fruity name; something tells us that they are the ones who set this wacky baby names trend. Also, put an I at the end of Martin and it makes Apple Martini ― smarts move guys.
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13 Coco Arquette
Some celebrities may also get confused between naming their child and naming their pet; in case they were not aware, there is a huge difference. Courteney Cox and David Arquette named their daughter Coco, and it evidently sounds like it was a nickname used for Courteney, and they probably lacked creativity and decided “hey, let us go with Coco!” ― how ludicrous. Fortunately for Coco, she got the name before the animated Disney film Coco came out, and it takes Disney to make anything and everything popular. Still though, we are pretty sure that the two could have came up with a way better name for their daughter; something posher and lavish to go with the last name Arquette, but they failed ― Coco, where are you?
12 Destry Spielberg
Steven Spielberg is the director of all directors, so we are confused as to how he decided to name his daughter Destry. He is such a genius that we tried to make sense to the name, but we just could not find one. Not for anything, we know that iPhones and autocorrect did not exist back then when Spielberg’s daughter was born, but Destry looks like a misspelled word on an iPhone and autocorrect would fix that up right away and correct it to destroy. Poor Destry, she probably has an iPhone and is constantly spending her time to correct her name on it. It could sound like an awesome name too, for those more into the creative stuff, but right now, it stands on our worst baby names list because it is just way too close to destroy.
11 Memphis Eve
Christmas Eve, Memphis Eve ― same thing, right? There is now progression of baby naming craziness happening on our list, and Bono, the lead singer of U2, made the list for naming his daughter Memphis Eve.
We think Memphis is kind of hip, but we believe it was not necessary to add the Eve; we would have gone with one or the other.
Then again, this named hailed from Bono, the man whose actual name is Paul, but came up with the name Bono for himself. The U2 frontman was way ahead of the bizarre baby names trend because Memphis Eve was actually born in 1991. We wonder when Memphis Eve takes place? We say: “One more day until Christmas” on Christmas Eve, so let us hope that “one more day until Memphis” is not said.
10 Prince Michael II Jackson
Another Jackson made the list, but sadly, and surprisingly, we are talking about the late King of Pop, Michael Jackson’s son. We only wish we could have explored the mind of the musical genius, but even more so to find out why he named his second son Prince Michael II and/or Blanket. Jackson’s first son was named Prince, so to us, it seems like the second time, he completely ran out of name ideas, and named his song Prince II after his first son (which is odd considering this is MJ we are talking about here, a very inventive man). MJ started calling him the name Blanket also, and that is when we all took a step back and asked ourselves “what is going on?” The name Prince Michael II was odd to begin with, and then he gave him the farcical nickname Blanket — a little disturbing, correct? We know MJ’s house was Neverland, so maybe it had something to do with Peter Pan.
9 Tu Morrow
We just cannot help ourselves from laughing at this one because it looks like something that you would see and read on a meme. While some names are pretentious, and some are way out of hand and strange, we have Rob Murrow, who decided to play with the word tomorrow. We usually commend whimsical word playing, but not when deciding the name of your very own child. We do not know if Rob found it funny or actually found the name Tu to be endearing; or maybe he had a glass of wine when he decided his child’s name, but without being too harsh, we find the name kind of low from a father to his child. We also usually enjoy humour, but this is not even funny seeing as it his own daughter — quite the unique sense of humour Rob Murrow has there.
8 Audio Science Clayton
Is audio science a subject in school? Maybe. Oh, we stand corrected, it is the name actress Shannyn Sossamon gave her son. Just when we thought we previously heard about the lowest of the low of all baby names, Sossamon came along. Off hand, not many people recognize her as an actress unless they search her on the web, but with this peculiar name for her child, she is a little more heard of because the name of her son (if we can even consider it an actual name) is exceptionally unorthodox too. It is pretentious, and what makes it worse is that despite being a name, it is also a failed attempt at a word, if that is what the actress was aiming for. We do not mean to be rude, but what was she thinking?
7 Summer Rain Rutler
We have not seen Christina Aguilera in a while on the tabloids, but in case you did not know, she has a daughter, and her daughter’s name is a little unsure; she was baptized Summer Rain. X-tina has always been rarely one to follow a crowd, so we are surprised that she landed on our list of ridiculously bizarre celebrity baby names. The singer, who was also a singing coach on The Voice, definitely needed some intimate baby name coaching because names should share profound meaning, and Summer Rain does not fall under that category. Instead, when we think of Summer Rain, we think Christina and her hubby were either confused about the weather, or that X-tina was using a body wash named Summer Rain that smelled great. Either or, the name is impossible to digest as a name.
6 Bear Blu Jarecki
Who would have ever thought the day would come when people start naming their children after animals? Not us but leave it to celebrities to start the wacky trend. Alicia Silverstone, must have been a little “clueless” when trying to decide what fabulous and ritzy name she should give to her son when she decided to bear him with the name Bear (pun intended). Those names are cute for Disney characters and cartoons, not children — definitely not children. Even the talking teddy bear in the movie Ted had a real person’s name, but Silverstone could not come up with a real name it seems. And wait, that is not normal name. It is not over, she even gave him the nickname Blu, so Bear Blu is his name. We will just assume Silverstone and hubby Christopher Jarecki like bears and the colour blue.
5 Moon Unit Zappa
We have concluded that rocker Frank Zappa must be the godfather of the most cringe-worthy celebrity baby names. First off, we could maybe forgive him since he was a part of the rock and roll era, but at the same time, we really cannot come to an understanding of why Moon Unit would be his choice of name for his precious little daughter. Fathers are always so protective and phased by their little girls, and moon unit is an astronomical measurement, so we do not see how the two coincide or relate. After all, it is Frank Zappa, so doing things out of the ordinary is kind of normal, and an unconventional name as such could have probably been expected.
4 Pirate Davis
Naming your child Pirate just does not seem right to us for many reasons. For one, people, including celebrities, must refrain from naming their children things/characters/stuff that they are fond for, we have pets for that reason. Secondly, it is guaranteed that a young child will be mocked with that kind of name. Thirdly, the name pirate specifically, does not allow a child to develop his/her own personality because it is like they are already identified as a pirate. Then again, the man who named his son Pirate is Jonathan Davis, the lead vocalist of the prolific metal band Korn. Sadly, there are two things we cannot chose in life, our families and our names; for most of us, that is fine, but when your name is Pirate, you would probably wish you had parents who gave you a half-decent name.
3 Denim Lewis
It appears that the lower we get on the list, the more awful and paralyzing the names become; are celebrities plagued with terrible name choosing? Celebrities do love their clothes and their fashion; it is easy for them with their own personal stylists and whatnot, but to name your child after your favourite clothing material is probably not something a personal stylist would approve of. Singer Toni Braxton, probably found she looked so great in her denim tight jeans that when she conceived a baby boy, she decided she would name him Denim. Denim — really? If cotton, polyester and viscose are not suitable names for children, as they are fabrics, then neither is denim. Sorry Braxton, but the name is just too absurd as much as we love them jeans.
2 Saint West
Yes, Kimye are making the list again because their choice of baby names is outrageous. And after all, it is the Kardashians, just about anything they say or do becomes publicity. After the birth of their second child, social media was buzzing and waiting for the reveal of the name of their baby boy with great anticipation. And alas, the name Saint West was given to North West’s brother — shocker! For a second, we were thankful that they did not decide to name their boy South West, but after thinking about it, we think we would have preferred that Kimye stick to their cardinal directions trend. In naming their child Saint, maybe Kanye was hoping that his son would end up being a good and graceful Samaritan.
1 Speck Wildhorse Mellencamp
Want to hear a little ditty about John Mellencamp? He is number one on this list because his son’s name is the oddest of all. “Wait, what? You called your kid what?” “Speck Wildhorse.” Mellencamp, are you sure you wanted to give this name to your child and not your rodeo horse? And not to use a pun or anything, but we would never saddle a kid with a name like Speck Wildhorse. We are wondering if Speck is short for the word spectator, or if he was thinking about a speck of dust? After trying to figure that mystery out, we are stuck wondering why the other half of his name, Wildhorse is just as bizarre and ridiculous as the first.
References: babygaga.com, tmz.com, people.com
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