There’s a very specific kind of pit you get in your stomach when your intuition starts warning you that your partner is pulling away or questioning the future of your relationship. It’s like a nagging ache that something’s not quite right and you can feel a space forming between you. Often times, the early signs your partner isn’t sure about your future together are subtle, so you might not quite be able to put your finger on what the problem is. You just know something’s changed and it that doesn’t feel good.
"It’s not a lot of fun when you realize your one-and-only could be on the fence about your future,” Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, tells Elite Daily. Part of what makes this so difficult is the ambiguity. Fortunately, there are some signs that can help you get a clearer picture of what’s going on. Here’s what the experts say to be on the lookout for if your gut is telling you your partner may be questioning your future together.
1. They Become Increasingly Distant.
According to Spira, one of the earliest signs your partner may be having doubts about where the relationship’s going is often that they start pulling away and wanting to spend less time together. “It’s natural not to be attached by the hip after the first three to six months of dating, but if your partner would prefer spending time alone than scheduling regular date nights, it’s the first sign that your coupledom isn’t glued together anymore,” she explains. “You’ll notice the conversations are shorter, and the lack of enthusiasm will wane, to the point that your partner might appear to be bored or not listening to you.”
2. They Don’t Factor You Into Their Decisions.
If your partner is fully committed to you, they’re likely to consider you, and even consult you before they make decisions, Pricilla Martinez, a life coach at Blush previously told Elite Daily. “[You can tell by] whether or not you’re included in any decision-making, [or] whether or not you’re taken into account even if it ends up being their decision in the long run," Martinez explained. In other words, if you’re not a factor in their decision making process, or have stopped being one, consider that a red flag that something’s off in the relationship.
3. You Haven’t Met Their Friends Or Family.
If you’re growing concerned that your partner isn’t sure where your relationship is headed, consider how close you’ve gotten to their inner circle. Have they introduced you to their family and closest friends? If the answer is no, then that may be a sign that your partner is unclear about your future together, as Susan Winter, NYC relationship expert, love coach, and author of Breakup Triage: The Cure for Heartache, previously told Elite Daily. “When a partner’s not looking for commitment, they’ll make excuses for not introducing you to their friends and family," she explained. "Remember, getting into your partner’s inner circle means you’re a priority and are considered an important part of their lives."
4. They’re Reluctant About Making Future Plans.
While there are a handful of behaviors to be on the lookout for, Spira says the clearest sign that your partner’s on the fence about the future is simply that they avoid making long-term plans and talking about the future. “If your partner stopped talking about the future, and can’t seem to make plans for more than one week ahead, you just might be ‘the one for now’,” she says. “There’s something exciting about the beginning of a relationship when you just click with your partner. It’s a natural path to talk about future goals or make a list of movies or shows to binge-watch together. That’s a commitment. But if your partner can’t commit to making a plan three days, weeks, or months away, their vagueness is a solid sign they aren’t committing to a life that includes you.”
What To Do If Your Partner Isn’t Sure About Your Future.
If this is all hitting a little too close to home, Spira says to just take a breath and give your partner some space. “Everyone needs space from time-to-time,” she says. ”After a few weeks, if you can make it that long, try suggesting a few fun outings or vacation ideas that are six months in the future, and see if your partner is game.” At this point, Spira says if they’re still hesitant to talk about future plans, it might be time to consider how you feel about a future with them. “Why waste your time with someone who doesn’t value yours?,” she asks.
You don’t have to immediately call it quits with your partner, Spira says, but it’s likely time to have a conversation about what’s going on. “Remind them of the fun plans you dreamed about together, and bluntly ask, where do you see our relationship one year from today,” she suggests. If their answers don’t include you, Spira says, “it’s time to cut the cord and find someone who worships the ground you walk on because you deserve to have the greatest love on the planet.”
Ultimately, your future is yours to decide, whether you choose to stick things out and see if your partner comes around, or if you want to be with someone who knows they’re all the way in on the relationship. As Spira explains, not all relationships are meant to last and that’s OK. Do what feels right for you and what makes you feel happy and whole.
Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships
Pricilla Martinez, a life coach at Blush
Susan Winter, NYC relationship expert, love coach, and author of Breakup Triage: The Cure for Heartache
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