Written by Lauren Geall
As Stylist’s digital writer, Lauren Geall writes on topics including mental health, wellbeing and women’s issues. She’s also a big fan of houseplants and likes to dabble in film and TV from time-to-time. You can find her on Twitter at @laurenjanegeall.
‘Priori-dating’ is the new trend all about putting you and your values first while searching for a partner. But could it really help us to build more successful relationships? Let’s take a closer look.
Name: priori-dating
Meaning: dating, but with purpose. Forget the days when you scrolled through dating apps swiping left and right with careless abandon – in the age of priori-dating, we’re getting serious. Focused. Ready to rumble. Defining our number one dating priority, and going after it. Unapologetically.
Origin: the term was coined by Laurel House – an eharmony relationship expert and dating coach – in a bid to help people build healthy, long-lasting relationships. Having watched people date with “a list of wants” for many years, House said she wanted to encourage people to “focus on what’s real”, and thus, priori-dating was born. The term even has its own website.
So, this is like… a thing. Sure – although don’t ask me to use it in a sentence. It’s almost like an antidote to the illusion of endless choice today’s dating apps give us – an approach which forces us to narrow down our options before we even start our evening swipe-sesh.
OK, but how does it actually work? At its core, priori-dating is all about finding a partner who fulfils your most important priority in a relationship. To get started, you’ll need to identify this priority – it could be someone who gives you a feeling of safety, or someone you can have fun with. Once you’ve done that, you need to go out into the dating world and pursue that priority above all other things.
That kind of sounds like a recipe for disaster. Why?
Well, surely focusing in on one thing could cause you to ignore potential red flags? I guess – but it’s important to take all these trends with a pinch of salt. At the end of the day, if someone is lots of fun to spend time with but turns out to be a raging misogynist when they’ve had a drink, you’re probably not going to go on a second date with them, no matter how good a time you had at first.
True. So, what are the potential benefits of priori-dating? According to House, there are plenty. Most importantly, it stops you from focusing too much on surface level, short-term benefits and gets you thinking about the future, which is important if you’re looking for something long-term. It also helps you to be upfront with any potential partners about what’s important to you, put yourself first and avoid people-pleasing – all three of which are things many of us could benefit from.
And does it… work? Apparently – but I guess you’ll have to try it yourself to find out.
Who said I’m not already taken? Are you?
No – but it’s rude to assume. OK, fine. But if you are looking to date, it could be a good one to try – even if you just sit down and make a list of some potential priorities you might be on the lookout for. With so many dating apps at our fingertips, it’s easy to forget what we’re actually looking for, so taking a step back and re-evaluating things could make life a lot easier.
And if all else fails, at least it’ll put us all at less risk from swipe-induced repetitive strain injury. What’s not to love?
Image: Getty
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