Dear Coleen – My daughter shuts me out and I miss my grandchild

Dear Coleen

My eldest daughter has always been fiercely independent and done her own thing. At 18, she went travelling and met a French man, and lived in France and then Germany with him for the next four years.

She’s now 32 and recently moved back to a town not far from me. She’s just had her first baby – our first ­grandchild – and I’m overjoyed.

But it’s nothing like I thought it would be. I’ve never left my home town, and when I had children my parents lived nearby and saw my daughter and her brother every week. Yet my daughter thinks nothing of us not seeing her and our new grandchild for weeks at a time.

She calls about once a week and sends the odd WhatsApp picture, but she doesn’t seem to need me or her father at all. When she gave birth and her husband went back to work I offered to come and stay but she declined my offer.

It’s always us driving to her, and she never comes to see us, even though we offer to pay her train fare or even to go and pick her up. 

I’ve asked her outright if anything is wrong and she says no. But I feel so hurt at the way she’s shutting me out. I don’t want to upset her or fall out, but I feel like I’m missing out on so much.

What can I do?

Coleen says

How sad. This situation must be heart- breaking for you. I’m just wondering, though, if you’ve told her how you really feel? I know you say you have, but I feel like it’s worth one more shot.

Don’t be aggressive or accuse her of anything, but just explain that you had this idea of how being a ­grandparent would be and that things have turned out very differently.

Explain how much you and your husband miss being a part of her and her new baby’s life, and that, while you understand she’s not just up the road, you would love to see more of them.

She may just be one of those really independent people who do their own thing and are a bit of an island.

And if she is this strong, independent type then it’s a testament to how well you’ve raised her.

Many new mums also create a bit of a bubble around themselves and shut out the rest of the world without even realising.

Perhaps if and when she has her second child she’ll realise she needs you a bit more.

I really hope for everybody’s sake that she does.

Read More

Dear Coleen

  • My son’s girlfriend is as old as me
  • I told mum my dad cheated with a barmaid
  • My boyfriend and my lover dumped me
  • My husband told friends I was 50

Source: Read Full Article