The most wonderful time of the year can also be one of the toughest.

People love to say that Christmas is a time for family, but that can make missing a relative even harder.

If the family member is gone from your life by choice – yours or theirs – that can make the grief you feel even more complicated.

Indira Chima, a Counselling Directory member, says: ‘Waves of grief can pop up at any time and most certainly at this time of year.

‘Whilst Christmas is a magical time for many, it is also a reflective and difficult time for some to navigate.’

Indira’s fellow Counselling Directory member Georgina Ross tells us: ‘Estrangement grief can often feel very lonely and isolating, especially around Christmas.

‘A lot of people are spending time with family, friends and loved ones and this can serve as a reminder of what you may feel you have lost. This can bring up a variety of feelings in us such as sadness, guilt or perhaps blame and anger.’

So how can we deal with these feelings and give them the attention they need – without letting them drag us down?

Georgina says we need to remember that our feelings are valid.

‘There is no right or wrong way to feel,’ she explains.

‘Talking to friends, family and those that you feel support you could really help.

‘Taking time to do things that you enjoy, and looking after yourself, could also help to make you feel more positive around this time of year.’

Indira recommends not trying to squash your grief and sadness, and don’t put pressure on yourself to feel any type of way.

She adds: ‘I think it is easier and healthier to be authentic and honest about how we feel, however difficult that might be.

‘We need to give ourselves permission to feel sad or guilty or angry or any of the spectrum of emotions that comes with grief. By doing this, it will be easier to process these feelings in the fullness of time and move through it.

‘Sometimes we can get stuck in our grief feelings and at that point, some people may need a bit of help to talk things through.’

It’s also about doing your best to balance these ‘negative’ feelings or moments with ‘positive’ ones, however small they are. But don’t put pressure on yourself to enjoy something you’re not enjoying.

Yes, even Christmas.

Indira says: ‘Take small wins. Small enjoyments. Small doses of feeling good or even OK in the moment. If you go to a party or a function, or to see friends or family over the festive period, have a plan or exit strategy to leave when you feel too exhausted, or you have had enough.

‘Be honest with people that you will come for a short while and see how it goes. If you feel OK then stay a bit longer and if not, just leave. People will understand. Do what you need to do but attend to your needs.

‘If you don’t feel up for meeting a crowd then spend the day quietly with one or two people. Spend a moment with others and take a moment for you.’

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