Have Kate and Meghan really fallen out? JAN MOIR on woes of Windsor

Have Kate and Meghan really fallen out? JAN MOIR on the woes of the not so merry wives of Windsor

Have Kate and Meghan really fallen out? If so, it must be a world record for sisters-in-law; from hello to zero in less time than it takes to say: ‘I saw that tiara first.’

Speculation of a rift between the royal wives has been percolating for months. News that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are to move out of Kensington Palace — and away from William and Kate — only seems to confirm the bitter ribbons of rumour that continue to flutter around.

Or does it? The royal residence in London may be grand, but it is still a kind of gilded campus; stuffed with royals of all stripes, seething with major and minor dukes, duchesses, attendant courtiers plus those saucer-eyed honeymooners Princess Eugenie and Jack Brooksbanks, ugh!

Speculation of a rift between the royal wives has been percolating for months. News that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are to move out of Kensington Palace — and away from William and Kate — has fuelled rumours of a Royal row

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are looking to relocate to a countryside hideaway (Frogmore Cottage is pictured, above)

Have Kate and Meghan really fallen out? If so, it must be a world record for sisters-in-law, writes JANE MOIR

Wouldn’t you want to flee from this suffocating west wing of royal bling, where the Cambridges are the senior principals who must come first and to whom everyone must defer at all times?

I’m a celebrity, says Meghan Markle, get me out of here.

So perhaps it shouldn’t be too surprising that she and Harry are fleeing 20 miles down the M4 to Frogmore Cottage in Windsor. There, they will set up home under the Heathrow flight path, just as soon as their gourmet kitchen and Soho House velvet sofas have been installed.

And if their wives continue to simmer at each other like two furious eggs in a poaching pot, what will happen to the relationship between the two brothers? William and Harry have always been close.

They were the two little boys bonded by maternal bereavement; the teenagers united in the odd loneliness and peculiarities of their royal lives; the young men who railed against the strictures of long-established protocol and custom.

Now they are both married — and we all know that wives change everything, especially wives who do not get along.

Within family dynamics, especially royal ones, married couples become a unit; a vessel of ambition and mutual desires steered by the strategic thinker in the partnership — the woman.


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Men are mere buoys in the household slipstream; merrily bobbing along unsure of the undertow, prevailing currents or direction. Traditionally, it is the womenfolk who plot like mad, nurse supposed grievances, open up storm-fronts where there was only calm before and protect their vested interests.

I don’t say this as a criticism — after all, someone has to take charge. No doubt William and Harry will start to see each other in a different, less flattering light — perhaps they already have.

They will certainly see each other less and will never again enjoy that easy, knockabout friendship of their youth.

There is too much at stake now.

For a brief shining moment, the two couples teamed up for informal public events and were known as the Fab Four, but I think we can kiss that cosy scenario goodbye, too.

From now on, the courts of the Sussexes and the Cambridges have officially and emotionally parted company.

By settling in Windsor, Harry and Meghan hope to distinguish themselves outside the stultifying orbit of William and Kate. They want to make their own mark and create their own power base.

Behind them they leave the reek of sisterly misunderstandings, including Kate’s apparent tears during a Princess Charlotte bridesmaid fitting for Harry and Meghan’s wedding, plus heightened tensions between the Sussexes and the royal household staff.

‘What Meghan wants, Meghan gets,’ Prince Harry is reported to have said. It makes me suspect that it is him — and not her — who is hyper-aware of insider status and royal slights.

Meanwhile, Kate was asked if she was excited about the arrival of a little cousin for George, Charlotte and Louis. ‘Absolutely,’ she replied. ‘It’s such a special time to have little kiddies.’

What on earth did she mean? In a post-Brexit world? Before Christmas? In the history of the Royal Family?

Who knows, but it seems we are entering an era with a vista of difficult family occasions, hurt and exclusions on the distant horizon.

As outsiders, Kate and Meghan could have been powerful allies for each other, but it is clear that life as a wife of Windsor is anything but merry.

Proof that some poor daughters do ‘ave ’em 

What to do when you have an embarrassing mother? I would ask my own, but she’s just gone into town in her PVC mini-kilt and matching bralette to buy tickets for Hugh Jackman’s concert tour next year.

‘This is me,’ she screamed, popping some whisky into her message bag before she got on the bus. She and me need to have some serious words.

That’s why I can’t agree with health guru Gillian McKeith’s daughter Skylar, who says that her 59-year-old mother should be able to wear what she wants.

This is why I can’t agree with health guru Gillian McKeith’s daughter Skylar, who says that her 59-year-old mother should be able to wear what she wants 

No, Skylar. Not when she goes out to a London film premiere looking like a cross between a trapeze artist and a porn star who is hoping for a high wind.

I don’t know what the dress code is in Gillian’s head, but she is the kind of woman who likes to unleash her inner stripper at the drop of an invite.

Some mothers need more guidance than others. And sometimes the things Gillian wears are less of a party outfit and more of a cry for help.

Has she never heard of Marks & Spencer? Will someone please take her to the Per Una rails before she is arrested?

Spare us Sheen’s Brexit break-up

Actor Michael Sheen says his relationship with the American comedienne Sarah Silverman ended because he was worried about Brexit and she was worried about Donald Trump.

The poor darlings had to split up so that LA-based Michael could return to Britain and ‘explore why’ we voted for Brexit, while she toured America looking for Trump answers.

In a crowded field, is this the most self-important, self-assigned project of all time? I really think so.

Both Michael and Sarah, who dated for four years, think they are clever and important. They just can’t understand why others don’t think as they do, and see this as a problem that needs fixing.

Yet even though they have a mutual disdain for those who don’t share their beliefs, neither wanted to give up their chosen path for the other. It’s a shame — the horrors were clearly made for each other.

Is it really such a turkey to charge for Christmas dinner?

A grandmother from Scarborough plans to charge her family £30 a head for Christmas lunch. Hayley Garbutt, 50, explained on ITV’s This Morning that she asked for help with the bill because she was fed up spending more than £500 on her extended family, including her three children and four grandchildren.

So she started asking for contributions and didn’t see anything wrong with that. Some think her stance is ‘outrageous’ and ‘terrible’ — but why didn’t her family offer to make a contribution in the first place?

It reminds me of a friend who was delighted to be invited to a country wedding, before he was told there would be a £35 charge to attend the evening marquee reception. Expressing surprise, he was told: ‘But we’ve hired a jazz band.’

What were they playing? Ka-Ching? Wear My Ring? Ten Cents A Dance? Pennies From Heaven? Squeeze Me?

Some families do take their Christmas lunch for granted, but charging at the door doesn’t feel right. it’s much better to do it afterwards.

You had two Tia Marias, double sprouts and an extra slice of cake, so that all comes to £37.52, please. Plus service. Cash only. You’re welcome.

A grandmother from Scarborough plans to charge her family £30 a head for Christmas lunch. Hayley Garbutt, 50, explained on ITV’s This Morning that she asked for help with the bill because she was fed up spending more than £500 on her extended family, including her three children and four grandchildren.

So she started asking for contributions and didn’t see anything wrong with that. Some think her stance is ‘outrageous’ and ‘terrible’ — but why didn’t her family offer to make a contribution in the first place?

It reminds me of a friend who was delighted to be invited to a country wedding, before he was told there would be a £35 charge to attend the evening marquee reception. Expressing surprise, he was told: ‘But we’ve hired a jazz band.’

What were they playing? Ka-Ching? Wear My Ring? Ten Cents A Dance? Pennies From Heaven? Squeeze Me?

Some families do take their Christmas lunch for granted, but charging at the door doesn’t feel right. it’s much better to do it afterwards.

You had two Tia Marias, double sprouts and an extra slice of cake, so that all comes to £37.52, please. Plus service. Cash only. You’re welcome.

Christmas Quiz. Who am I? I am an excluded minor who has been bullied by my peers who laugh and call me names. Even my superiors, who clearly need diversity and inclusion training, sometimes have a go. I have been marginalised by everyone who meets me and some even accuse me of being a parable for racism and homophobia. I was verbally abused by my father and at school I wasn’t allowed to join in any games. If you looked at me, you might also think I had alcohol issues, too.

Answer. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, 2018 style.

Dumb and Drummer

The Little Drummer Girl has lost about half its BBC1 audience since it began in October.

Viewers have complained about confusing plotlines and murky characters in this six-part adaptation. It was as if John le Carré was too much, and they wanted to get back to Spongebob Squarepants.

The show stars a lot of splendid moustaches and Florence Pugh (pictured) as actress-turned-spy Charlie

What has happened to us? In 1974, more than 11 million were gripped for seven weeks by Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy — another Le Carré adaptation that was, if anything, even more perplexing than this one.

It’s not that people are more stupid today, just that our attention spans have been shattered by the instant gratification of the internet. To be honest, I nearly gave up myself — but hung on in there and switched on the subtitles. That helped a lot! The highly stylised production of Drummer Girl is sometimes too distracting and rather thrilled with itself; crammed with period detail such as Zoom ice lollies, ribbed polo-necks and a preponderance of mustard hues.

Yet it stars a lot of splendid moustaches and Florence Pugh (pictured) as actress-turned-spy Charlie. She is being hailed as the new Kate Winslet — but let’s not hold that against her.

 

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