DEAR DEIDRE: I’m desperately worried about my son, who is being mentally abused by his partner.
Since he met her, he’s become a shell of the guy he was, but he’s too proud to ask for help.
I’m his 53-year-old mum. He’s 27 and his partner is 25. They’ve been in a relationship for three years.
She constantly puts him down, swears at him, insults him and then gaslights him so it looks like he’s the one behaving badly.
If he stands up to her, or even raises his voice, she threatens him, saying she’ll tell everyone he’s been abusive.
They have a two-year-old daughter and she uses the child to bully him too, saying he’s a hopeless dad and that he does everything wrong, from how he dresses her and plays with her to what he gives her to eat.
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My son has lost all his confidence. Yesterday, he had a massive panic attack. He rang me sobbing, saying he didn’t know what to do.
I told him to go to the doctor but he says he can’t.
Are there any organisations that can help him? Or someone he can talk to in confidence? I’ve told him to leave her but he’s worried he won’t see his daughter again if he does. How can I help him?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Seeing your child being abused by his partner, and feeling powerless to help, must be extremely upsetting.
You are helping him, merely by being there for him and listening. He may feel he can’t tell anyone else because he’s a man, and therefore people will think he’s weak.
But men can be victims of domestic abuse too, and he should not feel any shame.
Tell him to speak in confidence to an organisation called the Mankind Initiative (mankind.org.uk) as soon as he can. It helps men escape from domestic abuse situations.
My support pack, Abusive Partner, also details professional organisations that can help.
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