‘We needed time on our own to breathe’: Husband and wife reveal how moving into SEPARATE homes saved their marriage – after decades of living together left them feeling ‘trapped, miserable and exhausted’

• Leigh Shulman and Noah Edelblum, originally from Brooklyn, New York, but now living in Argentina, have been together for more than 30 years 
• Over the years, the pair – who have one daughter together and split their parenting duties – appeared as a ‘perfect couple’ to the outside world
• But in reality, Leigh, who works as a writer, teacher, and graphic designer, said they were both feeling ‘trapped and miserable’ in their relationship
• But according to the mother-of-one, when they made the decision to move into separate homes in 2020, it solved everything
• Now, they ‘spend most of the week apart’ but are together on the weekends; and while it may appear like they’re ‘separated,’ they are very much still in love
• Leigh said she loves doing ‘what she wants when she wants without having to take anyone else into consideration’ – and she now ‘looks forward’ to seeing Noah

A husband and wife who decided to move into separate homes have revealed how living apart ultimately saved their marriage – after ‘decades of togetherness’ left them feeling ‘trapped, miserable and ‘exhausted’ from ‘managing life with another person.’

Leigh Shulman and Noah Edelblum, originally from Brooklyn, New York, but now living in Argentina, have been together for more than 30 years.

Over the years, the pair – who have welcomed one daughter together – appeared as a ‘perfect couple’ to the outside world, but in reality, Leigh, who works as a writer, teacher, and graphic designer, has now admitted to Insider they were both feeling ‘trapped and miserable’ in their relationship.

A husband and wife who decided to move into separate homes have revealed how living apart saved their marriage – after they grew ‘exhausted’ of ‘managing life with another person’

Leigh Shulman and Noah Edelblum, originally from Brooklyn, New York, but now living in Argentina, have been together for more than 30 years

Over the years, the pair – who have welcomed one daughter together – appeared as a ‘perfect couple’ to the outside world, but in reality, Leigh said they were feeling ‘trapped and miserable’

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit in early 2020, which forced them to be ‘together 24 hours a day for months on end,’ their marriage began to fall apart – but when they made the decision to move into separate homes, Leigh said it solved everything.

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit in early 2020, which forced them to be ‘together 24 hours a day,’ their marriage began to fall apart – but when they made the decision to move into separate homes, Leigh said it solved everything

‘I don’t remember the moment one of us decided it was better not to live together anymore. At first, it was just a few days here and there, often because one of us had a project or simply needed space,’ the mother-of-one explained during a recent essay for Insider.

‘The more we did this, the more I realized how much I needed time on my own to breathe and feel OK. 

‘It added a dimension to my life that I’d forgotten existed. It had been so long since I’d experienced it.’

Leigh said she and Noah, who works in science and research, were simply ‘tolerating’ each other before they got their own places, but now, their marriage is stronger than ever.

‘Decades of togetherness left us feeling trapped and miserable,’ she admitted. ‘It’s exhausting managing life with another person. 

Leigh said she and Noah, who works in science and research, were simply ‘tolerating’ each other before they got their own places, but now, their marriage is stronger than ever

They now ‘spend most of the week apart’ but are usually together on the weekends, and while it may appear like they’re ‘separated,’ they are very much still in love

‘It felt wrong at first, like spending time apart meant the death of us. Now that I’m used to it, I don’t want to go back to how we lived before,’ Leigh (seen with their daughter) added

‘What’s for lunch? Did you feed the dog? Every day became a series of organizational meetings of household life. 

The graphic designer explained that she loves having the house to herself and doing ‘what she wants when she wants without having to take anyone else into consideration’ – and she now ‘looks forward’ to seeing Noah again

‘Then the pandemic happened, shoving us together 24 hours a day for months on end. 

‘Our time as a couple became something we did just because we thought, “Isn’t that what couples are supposed to do?” 

‘When we weren’t fighting, we rolled our eyes and tolerated each other. It was no way to live.’

Now, they ‘spend most of the week apart’ but are usually together on the weekends, and ‘split parenting duties’ equally. And while it may appear like they’re ‘separated,’ they are very much still in love.

‘It felt wrong at first, like spending time apart meant the death of us. Now that I’m used to it, I don’t want to go back to how we lived before,’ Leigh added.

The graphic designer explained that she loves having the house to herself and doing ‘what she wants when she wants without having to take anyone else into consideration’ – and she now ‘looks forward’ to seeing Noah again.

She also said is has strengthened each of their relationships with their daughter, since it gives them more one-and-one time together. Noah is seen with their daughter

But there are some downsides to their living arrangement – and Leigh admitted that the hardest part is the negative response she has received about it from others

She revealed: ‘The hardest part is what other people think. People assume that living apart is a sign of selfishness or a broken relationship, but it makes our connection stronger’

She also said is has strengthened her relationship with her daughter, since it gives them more one-and-one time together.

But there are some downsides to their living arrangement – and Leigh admitted that the hardest part is the negative response she has received about it from others.

She revealed: ‘The hardest part is what other people think. It’s the look of pity in people’s eyes that I hate the most.

‘People assume that living apart is a sign of selfishness or a broken relationship, but it makes our connection stronger. We fight less and enjoy our time together more. 

‘Conventional relationship wisdom says to always put the other person first, and that’s true as long as you’re taking care of your own needs first. 

‘When Noah and I are together all the time, we aren’t able to focus on ourselves. If your needs aren’t being met, then putting another first all the time just drains you.’

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