I was raised in a cult – they said Christmas and sex would put me in hell

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Unless you've lived through it, nobody can imagine what it's like growing up in a cult.

From strict beliefs to way of life, there is so much to it that people probably don't realise, and one woman revealed just how suffocating it can be. Anita Nevar, 49, is a well-known celebrity artist but her life growing up was very different.

She now lives in Queensland, Australia, and leads a very creative life, but she could never have dreamt of such freedom as a kid. So many things were beyond her reach.

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The artist now focuses on creating fetish art, as it allowed her to experiment with feelings she was always taught to repress. Sex was considered a big no-no when she was in the cult, along with birthdays and Christmas.

Speaking exclusively to Daily Star, Anita said: "I grew up in a doomsday cult that prophesied the end of the world in a fiery ball of destruction, and we were prohibited from being involved with anyone or anything that wasn't a part of this religion. We were indoctrinated the world was evil, ruled by Satan and his demons and we needed to follow the rules so as to not be destroyed at Armageddon.

"I grew up mostly being scared and praying daily for my life and being isolated from real life in the outside world. As a child and into my teens, I would often have nightmares the demons were after me. Fear, guilt and shame were my constant companions."

She added: "I didn't have any friends in school and was always the outcast. It caused me a lot of grief as I just wanted to be normal like everyone else, but we were only allowed to socialise with other children in the cult. My parents however were very loving and thought they were doing the right thing protecting us. It was an odd mix of love and fear which was very confusing growing up."

She said the environment was "very restrictive" as there were many rules and expectations she had to live up to. From what she wore to where she went to the sort of things she watched and read – there was always a "right" way to do things.

There was also no Christmas, birthdays, discos or dating. Things like this were considered "sins of the flesh", as was sex. Unless someone was prepared to get married, there was no dating or sex before marriage.

Anita continued: "We had to read the Bible every day, pray several times a day and at every meal, attend three large group gatherings every week and large biblical conventions every year. We were also obligated to knock on people's doors to try and convert them to join this madness.

"This had to be done weekly, mostly for me it was on the weekends, and we had to log our hours too. Anyone not fulfilling their duty of the ministry or not following was branded as 'bad association' and counselled.

"At its worst, people were ex-communicated and cut off from their families and friends. This happened to me during my time within this institution and it was a traumatic experience, especially when you have no community in the outside world because you have been isolated from it."

She continued: "This cult believed that if we faithfully played our part, we would survive Armageddon and attain everlasting life as perfect humans, as the Earth transformed into a paradise. In short, we were to dedicate our lives to this cult and have it a priority over anything else."

During her mid-20s, Anita broke free from the cult. At the time, she was a wife and mother of two young daughters and said she was trapped in a marriage of domestic violence. She "couldn't take the misery anymore" and summoned the courage to escape.

Even though she was "scared" she knew it was something she needed to do. Being a creative person eventually led her to work in the world or art.

She said: "With my newfound freedom and a soul which needed to express all that had been repressed for so long, I naturally gravitated to art. As a self-taught artist, one day on a strong gut feeling that I needed to create, I sat down with a canvas and some paint and the journey began.

"Painting became my therapy and everything I sexually needed to explore and express poured out of me instinctively. Initially, I was inspired by images in magazines of people posing uninhibited and I wanted to be free and confident like them.

"I painted what I felt was the essence of this, and then it gradually moved into more provocative and kinky works of sexual liberation and empowerment as I embraced my wilder desires that had been newly found or previously hidden."

She added: "My work is a celebration of sex-positive expression that resonates with bold collectors, especially within the queer and kink communities. My subject matter is erotic, kink, BDSM, drag, and LGBTQIA+, and it's about empowering people to celebrate their unique expressions and desires without fear or judgement.

"My pivotal moment on this journey arrived when I realised that my rebellious spirit was not suited to the conventional art scene, so I entered the unchartered realm of alternative and underground art scenes and showcased at prominent events dedicated to celebrating sex positivity and diversity, including the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, Kink Festivals, Drag and Sexuality Expos.

"When I was touring nationally with 'Sexpo' – Australia's premier sexuality and lifestyle expo as their resident erotic artist – I was exposed to a spectrum of sexual preferences and fetishes and it lit a fire in my belly. I knew then I had found my passion and purpose as an artist with a message to inspire and empower others through my creative work. 20 years on, and I am still fascinated and inspired by others expressing their unique desires and kinks."

You can find out more about Anita and her work on her website or via Instagram.

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