We’ve written about some pretty deviant sexual behaviours here at Metro.co.uk.
Just in the last few months we’ve detailed niche fetishes, sexual fantasies, pensioner porn and putting sweets in your vag.
And yet only now have we found something truly shocking from the bedroom. Please, prepare yourself. This is a big one.
Last week a man named Steve O’Rourke admitted to something which blew the minds of men and women all over the world.
He tweeted this: ‘We were just chatting in work and apparently it’s weird that Amy and I don’t sleep on the same side of the bed every night. Some nights I like to sleep by the window, some nights the door. It’s not really that unusual, is it?’
Cue incensed horror from all corners of the internet.
‘I just read this aloud to Mrs J and we are clutching each other in horror. What do you do about all the shite beside the bed?!’ asked Jack Monroe.
‘I thought I was a tolerant and progressive sort. But you have found my limit. A stone throwing mob needs to run you and Amy far beyond the city walls before this contagion spreads’ said Phillip Boucher-Hayes.
‘My husband attempted to entice me down this route until I made it very clear that this was not a lifestyle choice I wanted to engage with’ said Professor Fiona Denney.
‘Steve that’s the weirdest thing ever can somebody think of the pillows?’ said Kathleen Maher. Steve then complicated matters further by clarifying that they MOVE THEIR PILLOW OVER. ‘We move the pillows when we move, not complete monsters’.
Steve eventually defended his choices, writing: ‘I think people should try it before they knock it. So many people are saying they’d never even attempt it. But honestly, 20 years of it and I’ve no complaints. It would be odd to have a set side.’
Speaking with the voice of a nation, Rossa McMahnon replied: ‘Try it‽ Try living a life of instability and constant, unpredictable change? There is enough disorder in the world without inviting it into the dwelling, thank you very much.’
Steve claimed that there was not a constant swap though, explaining: ‘It’s not constant change though. Sometimes we can go days or weeks without swapping. And when we do swap, it’s rarely discussed, just whoever goes to bed first decides.’
In response to the public outcry Steve then posted a further statement, which reads:
1. First one in chooses
2. We’ve never disagreed over it
3. We move pillows and books as we move
4. We don’t change every single night
5. Neither of us are aliens
Surely we call all agree that these two are fortunate to have found each other and contained this extremely worrisome behaviour to the confines of one relationship.
You can read the full extent of the world’s horror towards Steve’s alternative lifestyle here.
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