My boss keeps trying to hug me at work but I can’t stand it – what should I do?

•  British mother sparked debate on how to tell a boss that you don’t want a hug
•  Said her touchy-feely manager is ‘not-British’ and wants to hug colleagues
•  Opinion was divided on how best to handle the difficult situation 
•  Must read: Mother says it is not natural for men to be main carer of tiny babies 

A British mother has sparked a furious online debate revealing she was uncomfortable with how touchy-feely her boss was at work.

Taking to British parenting forum Mumsnet, the anonymous woman said that her newish ‘not British’ manager had taken to hugging her colleagues in the office.

She confessed she was struggling with how tactile the manager, even saying she ‘winced’ when the woman laid a hand on her shoulder while she was working.

Other users agreed it was an unacceptable situation – but many were divided on how it should best be managed. 

A British mother has sparked a furious online debate revealing she was uncomfortable with how touchy-feely her boss was at work (stock image) 

In the original post, she wrote how the boss ‘constantly invades personal space and arm rubs and even hugs some co-workers’.

She added the manager was ‘newish and not British’, saying: ‘I cannot stand it personally and really winced when she laid her hand on my shoulder while I was working. 

‘Other people in work feel the same. What do I say if it happens again?’

After the post, one person challenged her on why she mentioned her boss was not British. 

The poster explained how her newish boss kept touching people at work and that most staff didn’t like it 

She wrote:  ‘Not sure why her nationality is relevant but the behaviour is unprofessional. Do you have a HR team?’

But the poster explained that she thought her boss didn’t understand UK working culture.  

She wrote: ‘I have never, in many years of employment, been hugged or touched.’

Others agreed with this and said that it sounded like the boss didn’t understand British work places. 

Mumsnet users were divided on how best to solve the problem – with some saying to be honest and others saying to take a step back

One wrote: ‘Attitudes to this kind of thing vary wildly in different countries. 

‘I once saw a load of staff at a hospital in France all do the three cheek kisses when arriving / leaving at what I assume was shift changeover time.’

She added: ‘The fact she is from elsewhere might mean it’s more the norm for her, rather than she is insensitive or deliberately intrusive.’ 

Another added: ‘Different cultures have different expectations.

‘When I worked in Argentina in the 80s, female staff gave everyone a peck on the cheek when they arrived at work.’

But although all of the Mumsnet users sympathised with the original poster, they were divided on how best to solve the issue. 

One wrote: ‘Privately and politely tell her you don’t like to be touched. I have told a colleague upfront that I’m not a hugger when she was about to hug me.

‘She was a bit startled but she accepted it.’

Another wrote: ‘Tell her that you love working with her but personally you don’t like physical contact with colleagues as it makes you feel uncomfortable and the UK working culture is more reserved and we aren’t a touchy feel bunch.’

But in response to this, someone replied: ‘Please don’t do this. You’ll be dragged in front of HR in no time for the cultural comment, racial version of mansplaining.’

Another said that hugging was sometimes necessary. They wrote: ‘People who know me know I don’t do touching.

‘However I know the ones who do hugging so if it is necessary and they  need a hug then I can force myself to hug them but only if I’ve known them for more than 10 years.’

Other said the situation was easy to resolve. One wrote: ‘Just say please don’t touch me, I don’t like being touched. It’s really as simple as that.’

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