DEAR DEIDRE: IN a drunken rage, my husband revealed he cheated on me 33 years ago, just after we got married.

I’m 56, he’s 62 and we’ve been together since I was 23. I was a trainee nurse, and he was a paramedic.

The last couple of years have been challenging. We’ve been trying to sell our house, and our eldest has been going through a pretty nasty divorce.

Thanks to the stress of it all, we’ve been picking at each other constantly.

Last month, we got into an argument about a holiday.

I want to get away next summer, but my husband thinks it’s reckless to spend money like that before we’ve sold our house.

This started a massive argument, with us both listing off things we dislike about the other.

Then he came out with it: “God, I should have left you for Lisa years ago.”

He’d had a bottle of wine with dinner, so part of me wanted to assume he was talking rubbish.

But, in my heart, I knew he wasn’t.

It turns out that a year after we tied the knot, he’d had a fling with another nurse.

He’d fancied her when they met, and after we got back from our honeymoon, he discovered she was newly single.

He says there was a lot of flirting for three months before anything happened.

But one night after a few work drinks the two of them had ended up in bed together.

I sat there in silence as he told me the story. I felt like I was looking at a stranger rather than the man I’d spent 35 years with.

I went to stay with my brother, as the thought of getting into bed with him made me feel sick.

I thought it would just be for a few nights but I haven’t been back since.

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My husband says I’m overreacting — if she meant something, he would have left me for her all those years ago.

I don’t know what to do.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband needs to understand this is a massive shock for you.

Not only are you dealing with his infidelity but also that he kept it a secret for so many years.

You need to decide whether, over time, you can move on from this.

The fact he doesn’t appear to be showing any remorse won’t help matters.

He needs to appreciate that an apology is a good place to start and that you’ll need regular reassurance until your trust returns.

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It might help to speak to someone impartial. Reach out to Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960).

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