My husband's having an affair with his assistant – I found her knickers in his pocket

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband must think I’m blind or stupid because he is not even trying to hide the fact he’s sleeping with his 23-year-old assistant.

He walked in with her lipstick smudged on his face and I found her knickers in his trouser pocket.


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He’ll even text her when I’m sitting next to him on the sofa and claim he’s talking to “the boys”.

He’s 42, I’m 38 and we’ve been married for eight years. He’s never been that great as a partner.

For our entire relationship, I’ve been the one who’s cooked, cleaned and tidied up after him. He never even offers to help.

Even in the bedroom he is selfish. It’s all about what he enjoys. We only do the positions he likes and it’s all over once he has climaxed.

In our 12 years together he hasn’t made me climax once — not because he can’t, but because he hasn’t tried.

He’s just lazy. His mum was open about the fact she spoiled him as a kid, so I guess he expects the same from me.

But I put up with it all because he’s funny, charming and a great dad to our seven-year-old son.

Recently though, he has become even more unpleasant to be around. He is constantly criticising the way I look and how I do things.

Apparently I even stack the dishwasher wrong — hilarious advice from someone who has never loaded it himself.

It all made sense when I found a bright pink thong in his trouser pocket when I did the washing.

The sad thing is, I wasn’t even that surprised. When we met in our 20s, he was a proper lothario. He knew he could have any girl he wanted and I guess nothing has changed.

I still haven’t said anything to him. I want to leave but I don’t want to make things difficult for our son.

Do I turn a blind eye for another couple of years until he’s a bit older?

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DEIDRE SAYS: Children are more intuitive than we think. They often pick up on tension at home, and this can damage their emotional development. My support pack, When Parents Fall Out, explains this in more detail.

But your mental health is just as important as your son’s. Tell your husband what you found. Say it’s clear neither of you is happy any more and that separating would be best for you all.

My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you get the message across clearly and calmly.

If you’re worried about how this will affect your son, Family Lives (family lives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222) gives free, confidential advice on a host of issues.

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