DEAR DEIDRE: THERE could be no doubt my partner was far from “over” with his ex as I went through pictures of them kissing, cuddling and having sex.
And the worst part? It was her who gleefully showed me them.
I’d given my ex the benefit of the doubt for months, even when he called me by her name and became secretive with his phone.
I’m 33 and my partner is 36. We’ve been together for ten years and have two children, aged five and three.
I think she showed me the messages and photos because she wanted to split us up and get him back. She’s nearly got her own way.
After telling him she’d “popped around”, he went white as a sheet. I was so devastated I started yelling about what I had seen.
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He tried to deny it but soon saw it was hopeless and came clean.
We had split up for a few months, and he moved back in with his parents. But eventually we agreed to try again for our children’s sake.
Now he’s back and insisting that nothing happened between him and his ex. But I’ve seen the evidence, so couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Two years down the line he’s acting very strangely around me. I have asked him if there is something wrong, but he replies saying he is fine and that he loves me.
I just don’t believe him. He went to a friend’s house the other night, but wouldn’t answer his phone when I tried to call.
I can’t keep living this way. I don’t know what to do.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry your partner lied about what happened within his affair.
By failing to acknowledge the truth, he’s undermined your trust in him, making it difficult for you to move on.
Talk to him and explain because he isn’t telling the truth, it’s impossible to move on and rebuild your relationship.
If you both want to make your relationship work, you need to acknowledge what went wrong and he must take ownership of his mistakes and genuinely apologise.
Otherwise, I’m afraid you are both destined for a future of unhappiness.
Ask him to answer your calls because when he doesn’t, it makes you feel as though he has something to hide.
Men react much better if you are clear about your expectations, rather than vaguer concepts of being more trustworthy.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It will help you.
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