My wife of over 40 years has left me for a man she's met online

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER 43 years together, my wife has left me for a man she met on the internet. It has broken me.

My wife is the only woman I’ve ever been with. We met at school and are both 60 years old.


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But while I was thinking about retiring and looking forward to a happy old age together, she was online, talking to men on chat sites, and arranging to meet them for sex.

I discovered this had been going on for four years, while she was still living with me.

She didn’t just betray me once. She did it again and again — and all under my nose.

While we sat watching TV together, she’d be on her phone sexting strange men. I thought she was chatting to her friends.

Now, she’s admitted that she’s been seeing one particular guy for a year. She has fallen in love with him and wants a divorce.

I don’t even recognise her as the woman I loved and had children with. It’s as if she’s had a personality transplant.

And even though she’s an adulteress, the law doesn’t care. She’s filed the papers and blames me for the relationship going wrong.

I’ve been advised that even though I’m not the one who’s been unfaithful, I will have to sell my house in the divorce and give her half its value.

My daughters, both in their early 20s, are shocked too, and feel torn between me and their mum.

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I’m about to lose everything. The pain and shock is indescribable.

As for the future, it looks so bleak I don’t know how I’ll go on.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You are reeling, as anyone would be. Sometimes people do change. Or maybe your wife was unhappy and hid her feelings.

Try not to think about the long-term. Focus on getting through this one day at a time.

Please lean on your children for support. I understand they’re torn but they would also want to be there for you.

If you’d like to talk to someone impartial, call Supportline which provides confidential emotional help (supportline.org.uk, 01708 765 200).

Also consider counselling. Make an appointment with your GP and see my support packs about Counselling and Cheating.

Even though your wife admits to adultery, we have a “no-fault” divorce system, which means that people aren’t punished for affairs.

Please take some legal advice from a solicitor and from Citizens Advice (citizensadvice.org.uk).

My support pack, Thinking About Divorce, will help too.

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