Written by Amy Beecham

Living in the moment a little more could be the key to a more successful dating life.

You know how it goes. After days (or even weeks) of scrolling on your dating apps, you finally find someone you have a connection with. The dutiful exchange of messages goes well, and there’s enough of a hint of a spark to arrange to meet up. But that’s where the problems start. 

They’re away at the weekend and you work late on Mondays. It’s their mum’s birthday on Tuesday and you don’t have a free Friday night for the next four weeks. It becomes an endless dance of “are you free this week?” amid a sea of “another time, maybe?” before you decide to cut your losses.

In 2022, it feels like we’re spending more time talking about when we can go on dates than actually doing it – and it’s driving us to dating app burnout.

“There has been a rise in of dating app burnout over the last few years as people increasingly rely on technology as a way of meeting people, along with an escalation in behaviour such as ghosting, which reinforces the apathy people may be feeling around dating in general,” Emma Hathorn, dating expert at dating app Seeking tells Stylist.

“It takes a lot of effort to chat to people on apps, especially in addition to the normal nine to five, when we’re already spending so much time in front of a screen. So what we’re seeing is a reluctance to invest time if people aren’t using platforms properly.”

It does have to be said that all the unnecessary admin around going for a drink somewhat zaps the chemistry out of a conversation. But what is the cure, you ask? Sponti-dating.

Remember when we used to just grab a drink without weeks of schedule negotiation? When we’d see where the night takes us rather than sticking to a carefully curated date-night itinerary? That’s exactly what the new trend is encouraging singles to do.

“Embracing spontaneity is a great way to quickly establish whether you have chemistry rather than investing emotionally in the idea of someone you have never met,” says Hathorn. “It cuts out the endless small talk and scrolling and just fast-tracks you to meeting in person.”

Not unlike hard-ball dating, it involves a kind of time-saving directness by minimising confusion and mixed signals.

“During the pandemic, I think people had time to re-evaluate their dating lives and value how they spend their time more wisely,” Hathorn suggests. “Daters want more for themselves so are deciding to cut the crap and be much more upfront about things.”

After the regimental rules around lockdown dating, it’s no wonder people are ushering in a much more playful and exciting way of connecting, one that allows you to be present and live in the moment by being much more open to new experiences. 

How you can embrace more spontaneity in your dating life

The prospect of dating someone on the same day you match can certainly be daunting, so how can you embrace sponti-dating without letting your nerves get the better of you? Hathorn says the key is to go back to basics and not to overthink things.

“If you find someone attractive and they make a good first impression, allow yourself to get caught up in a conversation without spending too long ‘getting to know them’,” she explains.

“Being spontaneous allows you to be much more open to the idea of meeting someone rather than going through a mental checklist of what you want.”

But remember: some people translate really well on screen and others you just have to meet in person. Just because you don’t experience butterflies when chatting online it doesn’t mean anything – and vice versa.

And if things don’t quite go to plan, don’t be disheartened. “Life is all about experiences. If the date doesn’t work out and you didn’t have a romantic connection, it’s still a worthwhile interaction,” she reassures us.

Images: Getty

Source: Read Full Article