Unromantic and unnatural…or the spark every relationship needs? As Mariella Frostrup, 60, reveals she schedules sex with her husband, two experts argue VERY different views

• The presenter says she schedules sex as something to look forward to 
• Must read: As M&S launches a new lingerie campaign, which model looks best? 

You might dismiss the idea of scheduling sex as a passion killer, but even scientists are saying that it’s a good idea. 

A recent study from the University of York found that planned sex is just as passionate and satisfying as a spontaneous romp, and even famous faces are admitting that they make sure intimacy is earmarked in their weekly schedule. 

Presenter Mariella Frostrup, 60, of Bruton, Somerset, recently revealed she schedules sex with her husband, human rights lawyer Jason McCue to stop them becoming ‘best friends’.

She told Top Sante: ‘Diarising sex works for me because if I know that’s what I’m doing on a particular day, it can be something I look forward to.’

But is scheduled sex a clever way to ensure intimacy, or a sure fire way to kill any spark? Here, two sex experts with very different views on the matter have their say….

Many long-term couples may suffer from dwindling sex lives – but is scheduling sex the answer? (stock image) 

Bring on schedule – it definitely doesn’t have to be boring, says sex expert and brand director of sexual wellness and intimacy brand Smile Makers, Cecile Gasnault  

For many, the reason to not schedule in sex is because they think it will be boring and unsexy and kill any romance or spontaneity. 

But it really doesn’t have to be this way. 

In fact, I believe that in long-term relationships, it is absolutely okay to schedule sex and it is actually a tip sex experts recommend. 

In these relationships – and many couples will attest to this –  desire can understandably fade.

Everyone is busy with stressful lives, and there is always something else to do.

Sex can easily fall off the list of things that are important and partners can grow disconnected from each other and no longer see themselves and their significant other as a sexual being. 

Equally, if partners spend a lot of time together, intimacy can feel routine and unimportant. 

Unfortunately, despite this being terribly common, society still has a stigma around it – as if we are doing something wrong if sex dwindles.

That’s why, I feel, that far from being a boring and unsexy thing to do, scheduling in sex can revive relationships and remind partners of how attractive they find each other. 

Sex expert Cecile Gasnault is brand director of Smile Makers, which makes pleasure accessories for women 

‘Diarising sex works for me’: Mariella Frostrup, 60, has admitted she and her lawyer husband Jason McCue, 52, put physical intimacy on a to-do list so it ‘doesn’t fall by the wayside’ (pictured in 2014) 

Creating moments, even very short ones, to foster an intimate and sensual connection can help regain intimacy. 

If partners schedule sex, then they can start looking forward to it and thinking about how they want to explore it. 

But I also want to stress that I do not think sex should be the penetrative, heteronormative sex people might immediately think of. 

Following the same routine script can lead to boredom, stress and performance anxiety where a sense of pressure is created. 

Instead, these moments of scheduled connection might revolve around taking a shower together, giving each other a massage or watching an erotic movie.

They can be about sharing fantasies or even cooking a romantic candle-lit dinner for one another. 

They can be moments where you wind down and truly appreciate your time together – something that is far from boring. 

In this way, scheduled sex can be as exciting as a first date. 

And of course, it can form a basis for other moments of intimacy throughout the week, such as sending a sexy message or complimenting one another. 

It can be something you look forward to with your partner – a time for just the two of you. And it can get you thinking about what you really want, what your desires really are – which might also make sex more adventurous. 

I would also stress that it is not all about physical or sexual interaction, but about where you show up for each other and reconnect on many levels. 

It might create more opportunities to be intimate, honest and vulnerable – which will only strengthen a relationship. 

Equally, as well as boosting your connection with your partner, it can boost your own self esteem.

So many people – especially as they age or have kids – can become disconnected with themselves as a sexual being.

So it can liberating and very valuable to reawaken that part of you, with sex toys or erotica porn for instance.

We schedule other things that are important in our lives, such as coffee with friends and exercise. Sex should be no different. 

And I truly believe that if you make regular time for sex it may invigorate your life and improve it in so many ways. 

Of course, I am not being dogmatic. If couples try it and it doesn’t work or feels forced, then don’t do it. But I feel that more couples will like it than not. 

Don’t ever schedule sex – it’s too much pressure, especially for the man, says professional matchmaker and founder of the Sara Eden dating agency, Karen Mooney 

For me – and I’m sure countless others – sex should be something joyful and spontaneous. It should occur naturally, where two people are aroused by their feelings for one another. 

But scheduling it makes it become the very opposite of this. It becomes demanding, unromantic and unnatural. 

I worry it will take the authenticity and enjoyment away from it.

Professional matchmaker Karen Mooney, who founded one of the UK’s leading introductions agency, Sara Eden

And more than this, it might create pressure to perform – a sense that your partner expects something from you. And I think this will especially be the case for men. 

Equally, what if you schedule this sex at an allotted time and aren’t in the mood, or something gets in the way? Then, far from improving your relationship, it might cause problems.

You might feel guilty, or your partner might feel rejected. It might create problems going forward.

Also , if you schedule sex weekly, it may stop any spontaneity that might otherwise happen.

Instead, if sex is dwindling in a relationship, as it can often do in mid life, my advice would be to try a date night instead.

Cook a romantic meal for one another, or go out and watch a movie or do something nice. 

If sex happens, then it’s a treat and a bonus – but something you can enjoy that’s not pre-arranged. 

So many break-ups happen because couples stop having fun together and going out. So date nights are a chance to talk and connect and share feelings. 

If your partner is annoying you, say so. Equally, if you are worried about something, let them know. This is the key to successful relationships and will build intimacy and connection. 

Of course, I do think sex is important and couples should have it for as long as they want to. 

But there are many reasons why sex dwindles. It may be because of demands from children, or a stressful job. It is easy for it to fall by the wayside.

But maybe a reduction in sex is okay for some couples. 

When you are older, a relationship might be more about doing things together or looking to the future. 

Either way, scheduling sex is not the answer. It is the very opposite of what sex should be about.  

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