Why there's been a post-pandemic spike in threesomes

Want to try a threesome? You’re not alone! Couples and singletons ‘bored’ of their pandemic sex lives are seeking out ménage à trois, data shows – as expert reveals the questions YOU need to ask before you experiment

  • Feeld, a dating app for ‘open-minded’ couples and singletons has seen a rise in the number of British users seeking threesomes in the last year
  • Relationship expert explained the pandemic reduced sexual satisfaction
  • Has also led some people to shift towards ‘living each day as if it were their last’ 

After months holed up together over lockdown, British couples are looking to spice up their sex lives with threesomes, data reveals. 

Dating app Feeld, which is designed for ‘open-minded’ people, has reported a significant rise in the number of British users seeking threesomes since January 2020. 

The app – which allows couples to seek a ‘plus one’ for their ménage à trois, or singletons to find people to explore with – said threesomes are listed as the most popular desire for singles with a more than 670 per cent increase. 

There has also been a 50 per cent increase in the number of couples seeking threesomes on the app. 

Speaking to FEMAIL, psychotherapist and relationship expert Neil Wilkie explained it is likely one of the reasons behind this spike in threesomes is that people have grown bored of their sexual routine over lockdown. 

Dating app Feeld, which is designed for ‘open-minded’ people, has reported a significant rise in the number of British users seeking threesomes since January 2020. Stock image

Why has there been a spike in threesomes? 

‘Couples have often found that the pandemic has reduced their sexual satisfaction,’ he explained.

‘Where they have been trapped 24/7 with each other without the escape of work or social activities, boredom, routine, and irritation has crept in. 

‘Everything can be seen as shades of beige rather than technicolour.’

He added moving from the ‘state of fear’ that we were living in for much of 2020 to one of ‘escape’ as restrictions ease, will make many people want to ‘live each day as if it is their last’ and might be more inclined to be more sexually adventurous. 

Explaining other reasons why people might be seeking out threesomes, he continued: ‘Singles have had to find their sexual escape through self-love, online porn, Netflix or dating apps. 

‘Now that they can escape from the virtual world into reality, the bar has been raised and excitement beckons.

Couples have often found that the pandemic has reduced their sexual satisfaction, explained Neil Wilkie. He said the routine has given rise to irritation. Stock image

‘Meanwhile open and polyamorous relationships are being seen as socially acceptable and even desirable.’

Neil speculated that the spike in threesomes will be driven by two main groups of people: younger people at the beginning of their sexual journeys, who want to ‘explore and have adventures’, and older, settled couples who are ‘in a rut of sexual boredom and frustration and wanting a catalyst to get them to a place of excitement and reinvigoration’.

He added: ‘This could open the door to something very exciting or something that one of you will spend your life regretting. Once done, it could be branded indelibly on your memory.’

Want to try a threesome? Here are the questions YOU need to ask… 

The advice depends on whether the couple are already in a committed relationship or whether they are in a casual relationship, explained Neil. He continued:  

‘If it is a committed relationship, then the downsides could be significant, and you will not be able to put the genie back in the bottle. If it is a casual relationship, then it could be seen as just an adventure.

IF YOU’RE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP 

The key questions to ask if you are in a committed relationship are:

  • Is this something that you both really want or is one feeling under pressure to agree?
  • Are you both able to talk about your current sex life and desires? This must be done first.
  • What have you done so far to improve your sex life as a couple? If your current sex life is wonderful and this would be the cherry on the cake, then a threesome could be good. If your sex life is sadly lacking, then a threesome could create a real problem
  • Who would the third person be? If it is someone you know it could feel safe but be embarrassing. If it is a total stranger, it could be less safe but also you might never have to see them again.
  • What sex would the third person be and what will be the effect on the same sex partner and the other sex partner. For example, the husband/male partner may find the idea of making love to two women exciting, but the female partner may get jealous.
  • What will you do if one of you is enjoying it and wants more and the other doesn’t like it?
  • If the third person wants to continue and you don’t, is there an easy exit route? 

IF YOU ARE IN A CASUAL RELATIONSHIP 

  • Do they really want this too and are prepared to accept the consequences?
  • If it doesn’t work out, will you be prepared to lose the relationship?

This is an important decision for both of you.

He added: ‘Follow your heart and gut. Ignore what you read in the press and social media. If it feels right for you and your partner, then it probably is.’ 

Neil Wilkie is author of the Relationship Paradigm Series of Books and creator of online couples therapy programme, The Relationship Paradigm (www.relationshipparadigm.com).

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