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March 22 Captain Kirk turns 90. William Shatner’s upstate Ticonderoga party is on a replica of the Enterprise, which a fan built. Beaming the thing’s expensive.

Dinner, a tour, photograph and autograph costs $1,500. General admission’s $50. But for some out-of-this-world reason liftoff’s not until July, when maybe you won’t have to wear a Vulcan mask. Or any mask.

Having won an Emmy and a Golden Globe for “Boston Legal,” Shatner’s still at it. Maybe there’s still time for him to get an Oscar. Oscars. Shmoscars. Comes a possibility — could even be (bless me, Father, for the industry hath sinned) — a probability that world-shaking enthusiasm for the Academy Awards (may their selections decrease) may — only may — take place at a Los Angeles depot. Like inside Union Station. This will allow for social distancing. Or, if need be, seat leaving.

Meanwhile, the Hollywood hills are still alive with the sounds of creaking. Like a “Scarface” remake from the Coen brothers . . . Sammy Davis Jr. biopic “Scandalous!” is cranking up with Jeremy Pope as hammy Sammy . . . A Watergate thing called “Gaslit” with Sean Penn and Julia Roberts . . . Cynthia Erivo as Aretha Franklin in NatGeo’s series “Genius: Aretha.” Producers Brian Grazer, Ron Howard, Clive Davis.

Meg unwelcome & ungrateful

On my Me Me Meghan and Prince Empty upchuck I forgot to include this: Buckingham Palace is a country unto itself.

An entire government inside those walls. Its own whole nation. Dislike how it operates? Who are you to criticize its head of state? Nobody sent for some civilian with a script in her hand. What capital swore in this second-string actress? She’s the queen of England’s handpicked envoy? From where? What authority? With ambassadorial credentials from cable television, she poisons the country of Buckingham Palace? Hon, Her Majesty the queen of Great Britain sits on a centuries-old throne — and nobody sent for you.

Visit Iraq. Invade Barham Salih’s Patriotic Union of Kurdistan headquarters. He’ll throw foreigner nobody you in a cell faster than you can say House of Windsor. Throne? You won’t even have a toilet to sit on. And while hunting one, search words “gratitude” and “appreciation.”

Dreaming of a more comic scenario

Science fiction’s “Come True,” a neon-soaked cinematic nightmare, may interest some.

A Berkeley study of dreams, memories and movies of the mind, it looks into nightmares and the space between wakefulness and sleep. “I’m fascinated with this sleep paralysis concept since I first experienced it in my youth,” said director Anthony Scott Burns. “People see the same things: dark shadows. Eyes watching them. Mass hallucination. What if these shadows from our dreams saw us looking back at them?”

Abbott and Costello this isn’t. 

Helpful notes on hopeful

Don’t know what’s a Peter Guimaraes, Madam Adams will enlighten you.

He’s one of New York’s 8ish million citizens running — or walking briskly — for mayor. Since it’s proven the job doesn’t require any credentials, he was on “The Real Housewives of New York City,” partly owns Bice Cucina restaurant plus the Tipsy Girl eatery, which is big in Connecticut and known for prosecco.

His ability begat this week’s invitation to speak at our Young Republican Club. “An honor,” he says. Right.

In honor of impending daylight saving’s expected romance, Bob asked: “How’d you do last night?” Frank: “Great. I finally persuaded her to say yes.” Bob: “Congratulations! When is the wedding?” Frank: “Wedding? What wedding?”

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.

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