Girlfriend, 30, places her boyfriend on a ‘performance improvement plan’ to improve their relationship – and compares the controversial tactic to HR in a workplace

• A woman uses HR techniques like probation and weekly check-ins on her partner
• The couple claim to have a successful relationship of more than three years now 

A woman put her boyfriend on a ‘performance improvement plan’ when the relationship was going awry – and was pleasantly surprised when her method worked wonders for their communication. 

Nadeen, 30, from San Francisco, began living with her boyfriend only three months into their relationship.

They soon faced ‘a lot of issues’ because of a difference in lifestyle – but the couple refused to break up as they ‘had a lot of love for each other.’

‘We felt like we weren’t compatible – so as the last straw, we decided to do a performance improvement plan (PIP),’ the woman said in a video.

She explained that companies put employees on PIPs when they’re on probation and about to get fired – and the one with her boyfriend worked the same way.

Nadeen [pictured], 30, from San Francisco, began living with her boyfriend only three months into their relationship and soon began to face a lot of problems

Even though the couple has been together for three years now, many thought it was ‘harsh’ to treat a relationship like a job.

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‘I know it’s kind of harsh to some of you – but he’s an engineer and sometimes it’s really hard to communicate with him without using something that he can already relate to,’ she said. ‘Plus, he liked it.’ 

Nadeen shared a ‘Kandan Board’ with her boyfriend with daily and weekly tasks he needed to do and a list of things he had to work on emotionally.

A Kanban Board is a collaborative visual online task-list that many companies use to assign work and track progress. 

‘It worked out really well,’ she revealed. ‘Even now, we use a board for household chores and things we’re responsible for.’  

‘This has been the only thing that has stuck and works. If I ever need anything done, I add it to the Kandan Board and he does it. If I tell him in person, he just forgets.’ 

we started living together really early on in our relationship so we saw all of each others living habits and lifestyles super quickly. and i honestly think it worked out better this way because we could decide if we actually wanted to work on these lifestyle habits together or split up. since it was so new, there wouldn’t be much love lost and we’d still be friends. but ultimately, we decided that we wanna stay together, and these lifestyle changes were for the better so why not do it? i had to learn to be more accepting and easy going, and he had to learn to be more tidy and considerate of shared spaces. #relationshipadvice #softwareengineerlife #lifeintech #girlsintech

But the Kandan Board is not the only thing the couple adopted from an HR strategy book.

‘We also do weekly retrospectives where we check in with each other at the end of each week to see how we’re doing,’ she said.

‘We ask each other if we feel loved, if we’ve gotten enough attention, if there were certain things we could have done more for the other person.’

Nadeen claimed that the PIP and to-do board were tools they put in place to maintain open communication – and that the activity was not ‘toxic’ or ‘manipulative’.

‘We tried everything we could before deciding on this, I didn’t give him an ultimatum, and it didn’t come from a toxic argument.’

‘I don’t believe in changing people – and I don’t believe that he was going to change for me.’

‘He’s the one who insisted he was doing it for himself and he wanted to be a better person,’ she added. ‘He was the one who told me task lists with clear objectives are what works for him.’

A woman put her boyfriend on a ‘performance improvement plan’ when she felt like the relationship was going awry – and was pleasantly surprised to find that her method worked wonders for their communication

Thousands were shocked that the unconventional communication method actually worked out.

‘I think it was brilliant that you took a system he understands and applied it to your relationship,’ one woman said.

‘It sounds like you have really strong communication and respond to each other’s needs.’

‘That is a nice way of communicating instead of yelling and screaming at each other.’

But others weren’t as impressed. 

‘Late stage capitalism is truly hell.’

‘I’d prefer not to be someone’s manager or assign tasks – do you have a plan for when he gets promoted and can manage himself?’

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