Women should ‘date up’ and choose richer, successful men writes JANA HOCKING, as she explains why it’s not ‘gold digging’ after dating plenty on the ‘wrong side of the tracks’

• Jana Hocking believes women should engage in hypergamous dating  
• It’s defined as ‘dating up’ or ‘marrying up’
• It’s the act of dating or marrying a spouse of ‘higher caste or social status’
• READ MORE: These are the bizarre things that make men ‘irresistible’ 

When I was in my early 20s I dated a guy who stole money from my wallet. As a struggling university student working two part-time jobs this broke my heart, but I was bonkers about him.

Despite having a full time job, he never seemed to have any money. If we went on holidays, it was just assumed I would pay. Heck, I even drove him around for our entire relationship because of course he had lost his licence, and he never put his hand in his pocket for petrol money.

To be fair, the signs were there early starting with his first stint in jail during the four years we dated. Oh Jana!

I eventually choofed him off after he suggested that rather than putting my journalism degree to good use, perhaps I get a secretary job and we move up the coast instead. Sigh.

But for a fair chunk of my 20s I noticed I kept repeating the pattern. I would fall for projects – men who I thought needed a bit of guidance and then they would come good.

Sure, we can get swept up in the romanticism of dating someone on the wrong side of the tracks, but sometimes those people never leave that side of the tracks. They have zero intentions of doing better for themselves and that’s find and dandy. Just not for me

Spoiler alert: they never did.

So when I started making my own decent money and progressing in my career in my 30s I vowed to never go out with someone with no ambition – or decent bank account – again.

And now at the age of 38 I can say I’ve done just that and not looked back. It’s why I am thrilled… THRILLED I tell you – that there is now a term for this slightly controversial dating trend. And sure, it gets a bad rap but as someone who has been on both sides of the fence, I think every woman should be embracing it.

It’s called ‘Hypergamous’ dating and it’s defined as ‘dating up’ or ‘marrying up’ – a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person dating or marrying a spouse of higher caste, social status or sexual capital than themselves.

Why shouldn’t we aim high?

Sure, we can get swept up in the romanticism of dating someone on the wrong side of the tracks, but sometimes those people never leave that side of the tracks. They have zero intentions of doing better for themselves and that’s find and dandy. Just not for me.

READ MORE: My ex told me the painful truth about my sex style, admits JANA HOCKING, and it turns out I wasn’t a goddess in the sheets

I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I put in the hard yards, worked the long hours, and made sure I had goals in place. Finding a man who has done the same is pretty darn attractive.

I’ve been on dates with guys who are always looking towards the future in terms of their health, wealth and career and without even meaning too, they’re naturally sitting in this alpha state that many women (myself very much included) are attracted to.

On the flipside, I’ve been on dates with guys who are just scraping by and not in a hurry to fix their circumstances. Maybe I’m triggered by my past, but it really gives me the ick.

And before people get out their pitch forks and come after me, let me state this new way of dating isn’t as shallow as it seems. Unlike gold diggers, women who are looking to date in a hypergamous-fashion are doing so because they’ve worked hard for their money, and are looking for someone in a similar boat. We hear all the time that one of the key factors of divorce is fights over money. Well here’s a trend that removes that obstacle.

I’ve been on dates with guys who are always looking towards the future in terms of their health, wealth and career and without even meaning too, they’re naturally sitting in this alpha state that many women (myself very much included) are attracted to

I don’t just want to sit in their fancy cars, I want to hear how their interesting day was. What big decisions did they have to make? What’s next on their career horizon? What are they currently working on? Inspire me and it’s highly likely I’ll let you touch my boobs.

Just last night a man I adore sent me a text saying:

This guy ticks all the boxes in terms of a ‘hypergamous’ man. He’s got a fascinating career that pays him a wage he very much deserves, he’s offered to take me to a very fancy restaurant, and he’s said he will organise.

20-year-old me who was sobbing over the guy who stole money out of her purse would be chuffed with this turn of events!

So whilst it’s frowned upon to say publicly that you’re ‘dating up’ I think there’s absolutely no shame in it. Aim high people.

READ MORE: I had a one night stand with a married Australian TV star, writes JANA HOCKING, and what happened next will turn anyone off cheating

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