My phone pings. A friend request from the guy I went on a date with. I feel a sense of dread as I flick through his photos. My shoulders tense and rise to my ears before I let out a sigh of relief – he has friends of colour.

The older I get, the more I find myself scanning the crowd to find faces like mine. Children of immigrants, those with a mixed heritage and third culture kids. We gravitate towards each other with a sense of solidarity, even if our cultures are vastly different. It feels good to know we have shared experiences, from being familiar with the feeling that you have to assimilate to whiteness, to knowing to remove your shoes before you enter a house.

In a multicultural society, why is it that large social groups are made up of white people only?Credit:Michael Mucci

Being half white and growing up in a very Anglo-Saxon suburb, this hasn’t always been the case. In high school, I clung to my white privilege as it allowed me to laugh off comments like “you’re not really Asian” or “you don’t count”.

In an attempt to show us what other cultures looked like, our school even took a busload of teenage girls to Footscray “to see how refugees and migrants live”. I remember the squeals and grimaces at the markets as we walked past skinned ducks and ox tongue. Tiny noses being turned up at the sight of lunch.

Being immature when encountering other cultures, and clinging to those who look the same, are perhaps forgivable behaviours at high school. We don’t get much say in where we grow up or what school we attend, so it feels unfair to judge someone by their friendship group at the time. But, when almost half of Victorians are either born overseas or have a parent who was born in another country, why do I run into large groups of people out socially where every member is white?

This suggests to me that their social horizons don’t expand beyond the colour of their skin. I’ve noticed this most when out in affluent suburbs. From my experience, these people often to end up in workplaces full of their (white) high school peers – creating a vicious cycle that can shelter people from other cultures, and make them close-minded.

I’ve felt it when those around me refuse to use chopsticks. When my culture becomes “too hard” for them, it stings. No one is an expert at their first try – it’s the effort that counts. It’s about the willingness to learn and the eagerness to understand.

I’ve felt it when people say they’ve “done a country” after visiting the tourist traps over a week or two. The word “done” is framed as if a country can be ticked off. We’re taught to not judge a book by its cover – so why do it after a fleeting glimpse at other cultures and countries?

I understand we ultimately surround ourselves with people we relate to. This is why so many of us live in particular neighbourhoods or end up in relationships with those who have a similar upbringing or racial background. But for the same reasons we need diversity in a workplace, it makes sense that to be a well-rounded, decent human being, we should be surrounding ourselves with people from all walks of life.

We’ve come a long way. Panko and Kewpie are commonly understood words these days and I can get myself a matcha latte at my local cafe without people grimacing at the sight of green sludge. I don’t think it’s about implementing other cultural practices or rituals into our daily routines. It’s about allowing space for more than what you know.

When I see you have friends of colour, I feel safe and accepted. It may seem strange to some, but I believe it tells me a lot about you.

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