Rylan Clark has candidly admitted that he tried to take his own life twice in the depths of his depression following his split from husband Dan Neal in 2021.
The 34 year old TV personality said: “I think my marriage ending was the catalyst for the machine stopping.
“But actually, it was nine years of never stopping and never having time to breathe and actually understand what happened to me.
“For five months I just stopped and shut down. I tried to take my own life. I tried to do it twice.”
The former X Factor star spoke about how he used to treat himself as a "toddler" by congratulating himself on making small steps such as boiling the kettle or getting a shower.
He spoke of how he "had the fear" when he tried to make his mum a cup of tea, as he also admitted he "couldn’t listen to music and couldn’t watch TV".
He said that he applauded himself for the little things like switching on the kettle and letting it boil, saying: "The day you do that, that’s a little step."
Rylan recently opened up about he told his "TV parents" Ruth Langsford and Eamonn Holmes to "get out" of his house after they had travelled two hours to visit him after his mum called them out of worry.
He appeared on the High Performance podcast with broadcaster Jake Humphries and organisational psychologist Damian Hughes, as he went into detail about the dark time in his life.
Speaking about how a friend will "try to and do anything to help you" when you're "at your lowest," Rylan explained how he reacted when Ruth and Eamonn turned up at his door.
He said: "I remember, I didn’t want to see anyone at the house and I became really agoraphobic, and my mum called Ruth and Eamonn, and they turned up at my house.
"Eamonn got really upset because I was clearly visibly very sick, as did Ruth, and I didn’t want to see them. I just remember breaking down and saying, “Get out, I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to see anyone”.
Despite telling Ruth and Eamonn, who he describes as "like his mum and dad", to leave his home, Rylan reflected that their presence there "reminded me that there was life outside the front door" and also that he "was someone before all of this s**t".
Rylan and Dan split in 2021 after six years of marriage, and last year Rylan candidly admitted that he confessed to Dan that he had cheated on him early in their relationship, as he shared that he "weirdly" expected Dan to "understand" why he had to tell him, but admitted that Dan's response was "the exact opposite" and threw him.
If you have been affected by this story, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org.
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