Soapwatch with JACI STEPHEN: It’s car-nage on the cobbles!

• Kevin has had enough in Coronation Street and takes it out on Stephen’s car 
• Phil is out of prison in Eastenders and is trying to fix the family’s problems 
• In Emmerdale, Chas cannot contain herself when her lover returns to the village 

CORONATION STREET

Kevin (pictured) has had enough of all the pressure put on him in Coronation Street and takes it out on Stephen’s car

Kevin’s had a lot to contend with recently, so it was only a matter of time before something pushed him over the edge. Still, there’s a difference between a push and a giant leap for mankind. 

After Aaron offers to fix Stephen’s car, Kevin’s left dealing with the social worker, Jack’s sullenness, Abi on the phone and then Stephen returning with the car that has broken down. When Stephen threatens to take his business elsewhere, Kevin goes berserk with a monkey wrench. 

Stephen should be grateful it’s only the car and not his skull; gosh, he’s irritating. That know-it-all voice, playing the big I am in everything to do with business, his faintly creepy protective attitude towards Audrey… 

I’m all but reaching for that wrench myself.

He’s exercising his dubious charm with the ladies, too. First, he moved in on Elaine, who was only too pleased for his advice on where she should travel in Italy. 

Ah, yes – he’s an expert on Italy, too, where he allegedly has a business, despite never having uttered a syllable of the language. Australian, American, English – his accent is a mix of all three, but come on Signor Reid, surprise me with a ciao bella. 

CRAFTY KEVIN 

Corrie’s Michael Le Vell (Kevin) enjoyed attacking Stephen’s car. ‘It was great to show him reacting to all he’s gone through, but he’s only smashing things he can fix.’ Hmmm, doubtful. 

He’s now transferred his attentions to Yasmeen, who makes it clear to Stu that it’s only him she’s interested in. Just as well. 

I get the feeling Stephen would do anything for a free poppadom. Stu might be hiding something, though. 

When Yasmeen tracks down his daughter, Bridget orders her dad to leave when he turns up. Furious at Yasmeen’s interference, Stu later apologises but says it was the wrong address. 

Yasmeen can really pick her men. Stu’s drinking is a worry and he should watch out, as Yasmeen has form with broken wine bottles. 

Debbie’s struggling to raise the money to pay Ed for the electric shock he suffered while fixing the radiator at the hotel (maybe cut back on the Danny La Rue outfits?) and, as she prepares for Psychic Night at the Bistro, tells Ronnie she has two options: bankruptcy or an insurance job. It doesn’t need a psychic to tell you how the latter would work out. 

EASTENDERS 

Phil is out of prison in Eastenders and straight away Kaffy (pictured) is asking him for money, which he doesn’t have

Why Shane’s over the Moon 

Be prepared for EastEnders’ paper moon to emerge from the props cupboard when Shane Richie’s Alfie Moon returns to the show this autumn. The show could never get enough of Mr Moon basking in the glow of the man in the moon. 

But will Alfie’s bizarre collection of flowery shirts still fit him? They were struggling to contain him when he left in 2019, so expect low-flying buttons. 

‘It’s an absolute honour and privilege to be asked back to my TV home of Albert Square,’ he says. 

We can be thankful Phil is out of prison, where he was in full hoarse-whispering mode trying to sort out the family’s various messes on the outside. He’s landed himself in another one after Kheerat gives Ben three days to buy him out of The Arches. 

Kaffy asks Phil for the money, which he doesn’t have; he also thinks Ben is fine. 

Why does everyone think Phil is a walking gold mine? Whenever anyone’s short of a few bob, the first potential solution locals have is to ‘Ask Phil.’ 

Kaffy resorts to Plan B – asking Gavin’s sister to release the money from Gavin’s estate. Er, what estate, pray? 

When Gavin left Sharon and Zack a safety deposit box in his will, they opened it to find nothing of any value. Rocky thinks Plan B is a bad one (as most of Kaffy’s ideas are). 

Is Suki about to come out as gay? When Kheerat says he will never forgive her for sending Jags to prison unnecessarily, Eve offers her support and the pair bond over music at McClunky’s. 

In 2018, a coffee there was £4, so maybe meanness is the impetus for Suki to invite Eve home, where she kisses her – must have been some great music track. 

EMMERDALE: AL’S SECRET HOTEL TRYSY …TILL KERRY CHECKS IN 

Chas and Al, pictured, have unfaithfulness in their DNA 

Leopards don’t change their spots; neither, it seems, do leopardesses. Chas and Al have unfaithfulness in their DNA, and Chas can’t contain her excitement when her lover returns (albeit in a jacket two sizes too small for him). 

With Kerry wanting to spend more time with Al, he’s busy arranging a secret meeting with Chas. 

Alas, Chloe unwittingly overhears said conversation, and decides to tell Kerry where Al will be later, and when Kerry turns up at the hotel reception, she hears there’s no Al Chapman booked in (have you noticed how hotel receptionists in Soapland have zero discretion? Gobby is an understatement). 

What could possibly go wrong? Still, at least a hotel is a step up for Chas, who has been partial to romping in the pub cellar (she’s all class). 

Back in the village, what excuse will Al have when Kerry confronts him?

In a surprise move, Kim announces Lydia as her new wedding planner. Seriously? 

All that dosh and the best she can do is Lydia – a woman who looks as if she couldn’t plan a trip to the bathroom without desperately resorting to satnav. 

Lydia’s determined to give Kim the wedding of the decade, which clearly has disaster written all over it. 

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