I’m ashamed of my boyfriend. He pays for sexual kicks.
He lost his job in February, but that hasn’t stopped him from visiting a seedy local massage parlour for his “bad back”.
I’m not stupid. I know exactly which one he goes to and what they offer.
When I complain about the money he’s squandering he says he’s using his redundancy cash, but that ran out months ago.
He and I have a joint bank account so basically, I’m paying for these visits. When I tell him that he’s cheating he refuses to accept that he’s doing anything wrong.
Even more humiliating is that a friend runs a legitimate hair dressing business on the same row of shops and gleefully texts me whenever she spots him going in and out.
When he was in work, he was something of a sex tourist. He and three mates used to love visiting the world’s fleshpots.
From the red-light districts of Europe to Las Vegas and the Far East, he would take off twice a year on his “lust jaunts”.
He’s currently looking for a new job and has made it clear he’ll be booking new trips once he’s back on his feet again. I despair. Why can’t he turn over a new leaf and become the man I need him to be?
I feel that everyone is laughing at me behind my back. My mates ask me why I allow him to play me for a fool. What if he contracts a sexually transmitted infection or meets someone new?
I hate what he does but can’t contemplate breaking up with him because I’ve never liked being single.
JANE SAYS: Your boyfriend is taking you for a fool. He’s living his life in parallel to yours.
He knows you don’t like him visiting sex workers, yet he doesn’t care or take your feelings (or sexual health) into consideration.
The fact that he brazenly visits a sleazy massage parlour and uses your money to fund his cheap thrills is beyond insulting.
Tell him you need everything to change. You’d like him to start considering your feelings.
But if he still insists on living life by his own rules, then he must proceed as a single man. Make it clear you’re not trying to hold him to ransom.
You’re simply saying it as it is. You cannot risk your emotional wellbeing or happiness for a minute longer – and being single must be better than this sordid situation.
You need to question just how much he loves and respects you. Why should you work to pay his massage bills? Why should you have to suffer the humiliation of sniggers and cruel comments from onlookers and mates?
You deserve better – and he’s ridden his luck for long enough. Please start having faith in yourself.
I believe that you will fly once he stops bleeding you dry and dragging you down.
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