The A-Z of the utterly baffling world of modern sexuality: From Autoromantic to Zygosexual (otherwise known as a swinger), CLAUDIA CONNELL navigates the choppy waters of contemporary language

Claudia Connell (pictured): There was a time when the number of sexual orientations could be counted on one hand

There was a time when the number of sexual orientations could be counted on one hand. But in today’s ever-diverse society there are now dozens of sexualities by which people identify.

One of those grabbed the headlines this week when a Royal Navy engineer denied sexually assaulting a male colleague. Able Seaman Triss Smythe (who uses the pronouns they/them) told a court martial that they could not have done it, since they were ‘demisexual’.

This, they explained, means they need to form a strong emotional bond with anyone before they could even begin to think about sexual contact. The 23-year-old was cleared yesterday.

It’s just one of many terms that you may not have heard of. So, for those wanting to boost their woke credentials or impress their grandchildren, here is your A-Z guide to the myriad sexualities people claim in 2022 . . .

A 

Abrosexual

This is a person whose sexuality is in a permanent state of flux. One day they could be heterosexual, the next homosexual or asexual (someone who does not experience sexual attraction to anyone). Not to be confused with ‘pansexual’ (see below) in fact an abrosexual can, if the mood takes them, also be pansexual.

Androsexual

Somebody of any sex or gender who is sexually and romantically attracted to masculinity. But — just to make things more interesting — that masculinity does necessarily have to be displayed by a man.

Autosexual/Autoromantic

If you’re autosexual then you are sexually attracted and aroused by your own body and have a desire to have sex with yourself. Autosexuals are attracted to others — but not as much as they are attracted to themselves.

An autoromantic, on the other hand, is romantically, but not necessarily sexually, attracted to themselves. Autoromantics often develop crushes on themselves and buy themselves romantic gifts — especially on Valentine’s Day.

If you’re autosexual then you are sexually attracted and aroused by your own body and have a desire to have sex with yourself

B

Bambi Lesbian

In A previous generation this person would simply have been ‘asexual’, but not today. Nowadays, a Bambi Lesbian is a woman who identifies as gay but prefers not to be sexually active. However, she does like displays of affection such as hugs, kisses and hand-holding.

The word ‘bambi’ is often used in the LGBTQ community to imply ‘playfulness’, and a preference for affection over sexual engagement.

Bioromantic

Those coming under this umbrella feel romantic and emotional connections to more than one gender. Many bioromantics are asexual (not sexually active) and the attraction they feel is not sexually charged. But — this is where it gets a bit complicated — bisexuals (those attracted to more than one gender and sexually active) can also be bioromantic.

C

Ceterosexual

Somebody who is attracted to transgender (those who identify as a sex other than the one they were born as) and non-binary people (those that don’t identify as any gender) and occasionally cisgender people (those who identify as their biological sex). A ceterosexual may be trans or non-binary themselves — but not necessarily. In other words, they’re what most of us would call ‘open-minded’.

Cupiosexual

Like asexuals, cupiosexuals are not usually sexually attracted to anybody. Unlike asexuals they still desire to be in a sexual relationship, despite rarely having the mojo to do anything about it.

D

Demisexual

As claimed by Able Seaman Smythe, a demisexual is somebody who only becomes sexually attracted to somebody after developing a deep, emotional attachment to them. They might also be demiromantic, meaning they also can’t develop romantic feelings until a strong connection has been established.

Taking its name from the Greek for ‘touch’, an esthesiosexual can be of any sexual persuasion, but they are more turned on by sensual touch than traditional sex

Taking its name from the Greek for ‘touch’, an esthesiosexual can be of any sexual persuasion, but they are more turned on by sensual touch than traditional sex. An esthesiosexual might be a good match for a greysexual (see below).

F

Finsexual

Remember our androsexual friends from earlier? Well, this is the feminine equivalent: people of any gender who are attracted to femininity, although — you guessed it — not necessarily in a woman.

G 

Greysexual

Someone who rarely experiences sexual attraction. So why not ‘asexual?’ Because they don’t rule out experiencing sexual attraction and believe asexuality is not black and white — hence ‘grey’.

H

Heteroflexible/ Homoflexible

Traditionally heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex while homosexuals are attracted to their own. However, swap the ‘sexual’ for ‘flexible’ and you’re talking about straight people who are curious about their own sex and gay people who are curious about the opposite. Why not ‘bisexual’? Because to be a bisexual you have to identify as one. And the flexible lot may never act on their curiosity.

I

Iculasexual

Considering asexuals have no interest in sex, they certainly have an interest in labels. An iculasexual has no sex drive but is open to having sex. However, they are also indifferent to sex, meaning they are (in theory) open to having sex with those of any sexual persuasion.

J

Juxtaromantic

Usually asexual or greysexual, a juxtaromantic is somebody who desires a romantic relationship that is not sexual and — unlike the previously mentioned esthesiosexuals — it must also not be sensual in any way. Do keep up.

Omnisexuals find themselves attracted to all gender identities and sexual persuasions

K

Kalossexual

This is a ‘micro-label’ in the asexual category. These are asexuals who desire to be in a sexual relationship. Some kalossexuals might also identify as cupiosexuals (see above). But others feel they are different since a cupiosexual might, once in a blue moon, have sexual feelings but kalossexuals never do.

L

Lithosexual/Lithoromantic

Lithosexuals want to live an asexual life — read on and you’ll understand why. They can develop a sexual attraction to another person but they do not want it to be reciprocated — if it is, then their own attraction to that individual is lost. Likewise, a lithoromantic may have romantic feelings that they also do not wish to be returned or they, too, will be instantly turned off.

M

Minflexible

A ‘minsexual’ is an ‘androsexual’ by another name. However, should that androsexual find themselves unusually attracted to a non-masculine person of any gender that would make them minflexible. Obviously. 

Minflexibles are not to be confused with . . .

N

Ninsexual

If you’re ninsexual then you are exclusively attracted to those who are gender non-comforming and whose sex is not obvious from appearance. Those people could be non-binary or androgynous. The ‘nin’ comes from ‘non-conforming in nature.’ A ninsexual may be non-binary themselves . . . but not always.

O 

Omnisexual

Anything goes for omnisexuals. They find themselves attracted to all gender identities and sexual persuasions. Often, they are attracted to different things in different genders — for example they might like feminine lesbians or boyish heterosexuals. The world is their oyster.

Those identifying as spectrasexual believe that sexuality is a broad spectrum. They find themselves attracted to a wide range of sexual orientation and genders

P

Pansexual

Anything goes for pansexuals, too. They are also attracted to all gender identities and persuasions but, unlike omnisexuals, they are ‘gender-blind’ meaning gender and biological sex is irrelevant to them. What you might term ‘not fussy’.

Pomosexual

Don’t you dare label a pomosexual. They believe that their sexuality does not fit into any category, which is quite some achievement given how many there are. They often refuse to disclose their sexuality and reject all labels. Well, apart from this one.

Q

Queer

Originally used as an unpleasant slur against homosexual people, the term has now been reclaimed. Today to be ‘queer’ means that you are non-conforming and reject labels and traditional definitions of sexuality. A straight person can be ‘queer’.

Quadsexual

As the name might suggest, this person is attracted to four different genders at any one time. They come under the ‘multisexual’ spectrum but the four genders they are attracted to can change, meaning their quadsexuality is ‘fluid’. What happens if said quadsexual suddenly finds themselves attracted to five genders? No problem, they just upgrade to a quintsexual.

R

Rosesexual

Don’t be fooled by the romantic-sounding name; life is no bed of roses for a rosesexual. Asexual, they like the idea of being sexually attracted, but when they force themselves to think about it they become repulsed.

Relatiosexual

A relatiosexual cannot feel attracted to someone unless that person is already in a relationship with somebody else. They will mostly feel attracted to both people in the relationship, who can be of any sex or gender, but not in equal measures. For example, they could be 70 per cent attracted to the woman and 30 per cent the man. The couple could be relatiosexual themselves, but not always.

Don’t be fooled by the romantic-sounding name; life is no bed of roses for a rosesexual -Asexual, they like the idea of being sexually attracted, but when they force themselves to think about it they become repulsed

S

Sapiosexual

Those who identify as sapiosexuals are attracted by intelligence and not physical beauty, in other words ‘brains not brawn’. It’s a controversial one though as some members of the queer community believe it is not a sexuality, they are not a marginalised group and are hijacking queerdom.

Spectrasexual

Those identifying as spectrasexual believe that sexuality is a broad spectrum. They find themselves attracted to a wide range of sexual orientation and genders. So why not pansexual, you may ask? Because, unlike their pansexual cousins, a spectrasexual is not necessarily attracted to all sexualities and genders. No one said this was simple.

T

Trixic

Also known as ‘orbisians’, a trixic person will be non-binary but attracted exclusively to women. They sometimes refer to themselves as NBLW (non-binary loving women).

Toric

This is the male equivalent of a ‘trixic’. A toric person may also be known as a ‘quadrisian’. Like their trixic counterparts they are also non-binary but this time they’re exclusively attracted to men — or NBLM (non-binary loving men).

U

Uranic

Uranic folk are mostly non-binary and are attracted to men and other non-binary people. They are not attracted to women or feminine presenting genders, including non-binary people with feminine looks.

V

Varioriented

This is where a person’s sexual and romantic interests are not aligned. If a man finds himself romantically attracted to women but sexually attracted to men, then he would be varioriented. Also known as ‘split attraction.’ Just don’t say they’re a pansexual.

Zygosexual – a person in a relationship, possibly married but who desires sex with other people — with their partner’s consent and/or participation

W

Womasexual

Refers to the attraction to women only. Not to be confused with lesbians (women attracted to other women), a womasexual can be any sex or gender and the women they are attracted to could be non-biological females.

X

Xenosexual

Xenosexuals are sexually attracted to non-human species and fantasise about having sex with aliens and robots. As the opportunity to have sex with aliens does not arise very often, they will (reluctantly) also have sex with fellow humans.

Y 

You Decide

Perhaps surprisingly, there doesn’t seem to be a specific ‘Y’ sexuality. But, given the above, it’s safe to say that you can identify with any sexuality you choose.

Z

Zygosexual

A person in a relationship, possibly married but who desires sex with other people — with their partner’s consent and/or participation. It’s a much more exotic and exciting label for what used to be called a ‘swinger.

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