Girlfriend lost it when I asked to try BDSM then revealed past abuse

DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend can blow hot and cold within moments and I never know where I am with her – it’s exhausting.

We had a great start to our relationship but one day I asked her to try a little mild BDSM – just some spanking – and she went ballistic.

I had never seen that side of her and was completely bewildered.

After yelling at me that she wasn’t going to be pushed around, she stormed out and went home, refusing to take my calls for a couple of weeks.

When she eventually returned my calls, it took hours to get her to explain her reaction. I’m 29 and she is 28.

She simply said one of her exes used to love BDSM but took it too far.

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He also used to film her without her permission.

I was really upset, thinking she thought I would have the same intentions. Will she ever trust me?

DEIDRE SAYS: Your girlfriend is showing you that she is trying to trust you by opening up about her previous traumatic experiences.

Keep listening and supporting her and in time she will open up more.

You unwittingly triggered traumatic memories by suggesting you both try BDSM.

Encourage your girlfriend to speak to Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk) which will help her support and advise her about this abuse.

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