Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into a week in the sex life of a stranger.

For this week’s instalment, we catch up with Katie, 25. We last spoke to Katie back in July, when she was pregnant with her first child, Violet, who was born three months ago.

The arrival of her daughter has put a bit of a dampener on her sex life, and Katie says she’s been ‘struggling to adapt’.

She says: ‘My labour ended up with multiple complications and a third-degree tear, which is still healing. My mental health is lower than ever before and I feel like my breastfeeding mum body has little to be desired.

‘With all that in mind, sex is literally the last thing on my mind.’

Monday

It’s been exactly a year since my partner and I found out we were expecting our first child, so today we went out for lunch with our daughter, Violet.

We had a lovely time as a family and on the drive home, Violet fell asleep, which left us grown-ups with half an hour or so to Netflix and chill (no innuendo intended).  

After quite a traumatic birth and multiple stitches, my partner and I have attempted sex a few times, but it’s just been far too painful for me. 

So we’ve tried to find other ways to be intimate. In some ways, I’ve felt disconnected from him on many occasions, but we’ve also been closer than ever.

Finding any time to ourselves is difficult during this newborn stage, but when we do have the chance, we try to make it count. So while Violent snoozed, we snuggled up on the sofa and watched Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

Since Violet was six weeks old, we make sure we spare some time in the week just for us. This can be cuddling, watching a movie, making a nice dinner, or even just having a conversation that isn’t about our child.

It has massively helped us. But, if I’m honest, nothing really compares to having sex.

Tuesday

My partner was off work today which led to a bit of foreplay in bed this morning – but we were very quickly interrupted by our baby.

We had a super chilled day as there was no way we were venturing out in the snow and ice with Violet. We just watched lots of movies and had plenty of cuddles.

Pre-baby, these cuddles may have turned into more, but it’s different now. Most of the time, I’m either far too exhausted for sex or I feel touched out – when you get so much physical contact from your child, that you just don’t want to be touched again, by anyone.

I worry that I’m not affectionate enough, and I know that my partner would like our sex life to be more frequent – but l also know he’d want me to feel well enough to do it.

Wednesday

My partner’s working overnight tonight, which means we’ll hardly see each other.

My day is spent attempting to balance eating, cleaning, a baby, and self-care – which comes in the form of a shower. Since when did showering become a form of self-care? How times have changed.

As per, my partner and I have no time for a quick conversation, let alone any action. My libido is also on the floor right now, so I don’t even have the desire to pleasure myself. 

Thursday

Another day alone for me. Today we ventured to a baby group where we sang Wind the Bobbin Up about 20 times.

When we got home, Violet was feeling poorly and needed lots of attention. From then on, I was used as a human dummy until late into the evening. 

My post-baby body is certainly different. Firstly, there’s plenty of stretch marks that reach above my belly button, and my breastfeeding boobs either seem saggy, or full and leaking.

While my partner compliments me, as he would before, I feel insecure. Some days I don’t recognise myself. Others I just avoid looking in the mirror.

But, I also try to remind myself to be very grateful for my body – extra pounds and all. I struggle to give my body some credit for growing and birthing a child, but it’s very hard to do that when you’re still getting used to your new skin.

Friday

I’ve spent today prepping for Christmas, finishing off all the wrapping and any extra shopping I need to grab. My partner is at work again tonight so it means Violet and I have the bed to ourselves, and I love the overnight cuddles.

And besides, I don’t really feel the desire to want to have sex.

I try to communicate how I’m feeling to my partner, both physically and emotionally, the best I can. I think having a child, and being in a stable long-term relationship, has made communicating any worries around intimacy easier.

Perhaps before giving birth, I would have shied away from being quite as open about my lack of desire. Now, we are both quite blatant as to whether we want to play or not. It’s usually a very quick conversation. 

Saturday

Today was a jam-packed day of family visits. We had a lovely day passing Violet around to play with her grandparents, and my partner and I ended the day, just the two of us, with pizza in front of a football match.

But we had no time (or energy) for any kind of intimacy, which I was actually quite disappointed by.

I do miss sex – even before having my daughter, I had a relatively low libido, so for me to actually miss sex is a big deal. The last time we did it, I was very pregnant and we had sex in the hope that it would induce labour.

Sunday

Our baby is in bed by half eight, and we’ve ordered an Indian for our anniversary. Bliss.

As the night progressed, my partner and I decided to have some fun. After a bit of foreplay, we debated whether tonight would be the night we finally did it.

Until now, when we’ve tried to have sex, I’ve felt somewhat disappointed or upset that I wasn’t ready. I have definitely felt like my recovery should have been quicker.

With all that in mind, I suggested the idea. We both knew that it may not happen successfully – but that was okay too. 

Tonight was the first night since giving birth that we’ve managed to successfully do the deed without masses of pain for me. To my surprise, it was pretty good. I’m definitely taking that as a personal win!

It certainly wasn’t the same as before. There was a slight amount of bearable pain which made it a bit uncomfortable for us both. I was a bit on edge and my partner was worried about hurting me. My body is definitely still recovering. Despite that, it was wonderful.

How I Do It

In Metro.co.uk’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.

Fancy taking part yourself? Email [email protected] for more information.

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