DEAR DEIDRE: I CAUGHT my wife talking intimately to a man online – but she insists she was vetting him as a possible threesome candidate.

I don’t know whether to believe her.

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She was always reluctant to indulge my ultimate fantasy — a threesome with another woman — but now, out of the blue, she says she’s had a change of heart.

We have been married for ten years and have a pretty good relationship, although with two young children we rarely get time to ourselves these days.

I’m 42 and she is 38.

A while ago we shared our ultimate fantasies with each other.

She wanted to have sex with a stranger in front of me and I wanted a threesome.

But neither of us wanted to go ahead and so we laughed them off.

The last thing I wanted to do was see some random bloke getting down with my wife.

She also dismissed my fantasy as ridiculous.

But since I stumbled across her online flirtations, I’m left wondering whether she was planning an affair or genuinely trying to organise a threesome for me.

I spotted her messages when she left her tablet on the table when one of the kids came downstairs late feeling sick.

I saw she had been speaking for a couple of days about “meeting up for a bit of fun”.

I demanded to know what was going on.

She initially looked panicked and then started to tell me she was trying to organise a surprise for me, that she was finally ready to consider a threesome.

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When I reminded her my fantasy was with a woman, she told me not to be so narrow minded and that it didn’t matter if we invited a man or woman in.

She suggested we could involve a woman the next time.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Some couples can make their sexual fantasies work within their relationship but the foundation is always an open, trusting approach.

Explain you feel uncertain about her intentions, you’re worried there’s a problem and want to work it through.

Also ask yourself: Do you really want a threesome with another man?

Because no one should do anything sexually they aren’t 100 per cent sure about.

If you decide you want to go ahead, make sure you are all clear on your red lines. If at any stage one of you feels insecure or concerned, please take this as a sign that threesomes are not for you.

The vast majority of letters I receive on threesomes are about when things go wrong.

You take a huge risk by inviting someone else into your relationship.

I’m sending you my support pack Looking After Your Relationship to help you work this through.

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