In Lalalaletmeexplain 's hit column, readers ask for her expert advice on their own love, sex and relationship problems.

With over 200k Instagram followers, Lala is the anonymous voice helping womankind through every bump in the road. An established sex, dating and relationship educator, she’s had her fair share of relationship drama and shares her wisdom on social media to a loyal army of followers. Every week thousands turn to her to answer their questions (no matter how embarrassing), and her funny, frank approach to love and relationships has made her the ultimate feel-good guru.

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Dear Lala,

I matched with a guy on the apps who lives in another European country. We’ve been chatting and getting on well and there has been an exchange of sexual messages (normally not what I do, but knowing he was in a different country made me think nothing was going to come of it). He has booked a flight over to see me in a few weeks and I’ve since gotten the ick because all he does is talk to me in a sexual way. I feel like I wanted to see him and was really up for a date and a bit of fun but the way he’s speaking now is grossing me out. Am I wrong for just blocking him knowing he has a flight booked over here? I never ghost because I know how it feels but I’m scared to tell him I’m not feeling it.

Lala says….

Yes, it would be wrong for you to simply block him without word in this context. In most circumstances if a man was speaking to you in a way that felt disrespectful or overtly sexual, I’d say that you’re well within your rights to block, delete and move on without any explanation. However, because of the fact that initially you were equally up for sexual conversations, it’s not disrespectful or inappropriate for him to think it’s OK to continue to be sexual.

It is perfectly acceptable for your boundaries or feelings to change though, and it sounds like there is good reason for the change. Even if you’re just seeing someone as a potential hook up it’s good to have conversations that aren’t just sex based. Especially if you’re about to be in a situation where someone is flying out to see you. It’s important to also have a bit of a connection outside of sex so that things aren’t awkward and weird when you presumably meet for your first drink or whatever. It is really off-putting when there is no depth or range to a conversation and a constant focus on sex can become such an ick.

I’ve been in situations like this where it feels OK to talk about sex a bit because you were horny and it just felt right, but then the next day you’ll be in a completely different frame of mind, having a cup of tea with your Nan and then a text comes through from them saying something like: “I’m hard” and it instantly icks you.

It can’t just be sexting all the time, there has to be balance and an acknowledgement that sometimes you need to chill on the sexual front a bit. He seems to have gone quite full on and it sounds as though there is no coming back from this ick.

He’s grossed you out, but he hasn’t actually done anything nasty or abusive. It sounds like he thinks that you’re still up for that kind of chat, if he’d been knowingly violating your boundaries, then you wouldn’t owe him an explanation and ghosting would be fine, but he hasn’t, so I do think you owe him a conversation.

Especially because he has paid money for flights, it would be decent of you to give him the opportunity to cancel his flights and get a refund. It would be quite cruel to simply ghost and block. It is completely understandable that you feel nervous about telling him, but I think it’s just one of those things where you have to pull up your socks and do it. Tell him the truth, tell him that you felt equally into the sexual talk at the start but it’s since become a bit much for you and you’ve had a change of heart.

Tell him that you’re really sorry but that you are not up for meeting up anymore. And then stand firm. He might take it well, or he might guilt trip you and react badly. That’s the point at which it would become OK to block him. You only need to explain yourself once, if he doesn’t take it on board and messages become argumentative then you can absolutely block, delete and move on and take this as a lesson to not rush into plans and commitments with people you’ve never met before when you’re in a state of horniness and flirtation. It’s nearly always a bad idea.

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