The 12 questions you NEED to ask before moving in with your partner, according to a relationship expert
- Tina Wilson says you should ask these questions before moving in together
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In the excitement of wanting to move in together, couples often shy away from talking about the tough topics – including whether you both want children, or pets and if you’ve honestly known each other long enough.
But relationship expert Tina Wilson has said there are certain queries you must ask one another before making the big leap.
Speaking to FEMAIL, she revealed 12 questions that you and your partner should answer ahead of moving in together.
They range from the big issues (whether you both want to get married) to the smaller concerns that could lead to bigger problems, such as if you snore or are messy.
Find the 12 questions below – along with Tina’s top tips on how to deal with the possible answers you receive from your partner.
Relationship expert Tina Wilson has said there are certain queries you must ask one another before making the big leap (stock photo)
1. Do you both want marriage and kids?
Wingman Founder Tina said: ‘There is no right answer – everyone has their own views and values but if you find out after moving in with someone that they do not want children but you can’t see your future without children, then there is a big problem.
‘It might be too soon to actively have those discussions now but one day they will be important and can make or break a relationship.
‘Don’t bring it up too soon but in the early stages of dating you should open up to each other about your desires in life and see if you align.
‘But it is completely different if you are about to move in with someone as it is a different stage of a relationship and you need to know if your partner has the same life path thoughts as you.’
2. Do you leave plates in the sink or wash them up?
‘Where do you both stand with household chores and responsibilities?’ questioned the expert, explaining: ‘Discussing how you will both navigate cooking and cleaning, for example, is really crucial to avoiding future arguments.
‘Especially if you both work long hours and come home and start fighting about something trivial, such as, a plate being left in the sink, which could stem from a deeper issue in the relationship, ultimately.
‘If both are working and in the house for the same amount of time you need to evenly spilt chores,’ suggested Tina.
She said being candid is the best approach to this question, adding: ‘Ask the following: Do they expect you to clean, or do they intend to share these chores? If they say “I don’t do housework”, then tell them to hire a cleaner not move in with a partner.’
3. Do you snore?
4. What are your pet peeves?
‘We all have them, no matter how big or small, and even the smallest pet peeves can cause an instant row,’ insisted the relationship expert.
‘On the surface it may appear you are arguing over the toilet seat being left up or leaving a light on, but in reality, there are more serious unresolved issues you both need to discuss.
‘Talk to each other about your pet peeves and count to 10 before you react to divert a row. It might be you are having a stressful day and something wouldn’t normally bother you – so put things into perspective and think before you react.’
Tina warned: ‘Simply put, disturbed sleep can lead to arguments, which over time can cause tension in the relationship which can lead to partner’s drifting apart due to the negative behaviours that are a result of continuous lack of sleep.
‘Most couples will also openly joke about their partner’s snoring with other people, but their comments and frustrations should not be downplayed.
‘The impacts on the partner can be severe enough to indirectly result in resentment and lack of positive emotion, which can lead to relationships problems down the track.
‘Ensure you have a second bedroom if things get that bad and you aren’t sleeping at all. It shouldn’t be a make or break just make practical decisions.’
5. Who will pay for what?
‘Talking about how the finances will be split and what your shared responsibilities are early on will save a lot of stress,’ said Tina.
‘You need to decide how the finances will be divided up, so it is clear. This will save a lot of awkward conversations when you move in and gives you peace of mind.
‘Also, you might be apprehensive to broach the subject once you have moved in together.
‘Keep a list of your main out-goings and perhaps think about a joint bank account for any major bills, such as, rent or your mortgage payments that you both plan to pay into each month.
‘This keeps things equal and fair. Having a budget and being able to discuss money openly makes for a healthy relationship.’
6. Do you want to live with pets?
‘You are either a pet person or you are not,’ explained Tina. ‘Having this conversation before you move into together is wise to avoid any assumptions your partner is a dog or cat lover when they are not and never will be.
‘In addition, it is not uncommon for some relationships to come to a head when one partner reluctantly agrees to get a pet – for the disagreements to then start.
‘Even if you are both on the same page, it is wise to have an open conversation about shared responsibilities and duties surrounding the pet.
‘Pets are also expensive, and you should both look at the finances, so you don’t end up arguing over the huge vet bill. Have an open discussion about the realities of having a pet and who will have responsibility for what, so you avoid disagreements.’
7. What are your normal sleeping hours like?
8. Do you need a spare bedroom?
Tina said: ‘Talking about space requirements is important for several reasons.
‘You could need space for guests, room to grow a family or space for when you are having an off day or one of you have the flu and you need to sleep separately.
‘Assess how much space you need but also look at how much stuff – from furniture to clothes – each of you own and want to bring with you, and don’t forget to compromise so things are equal.’
‘If a certain sleeping pattern is important to you then you need to think twice if your partner comes home at 3am and jumps in bed and there is a high chance of waking you up – how will this arrangement work for you in the long run?
‘Hopefully at this point you’ve spent enough time with your partner to know this but it’s good to know what their sleeping habits are when they aren’t with you if it’s different.
‘Find out if they enjoy sleeping in on weekends or are an early riser, this will give you a gauge for how your lives will gel together,’ said the expert.
9. Do you see this as a long-term commitment?
‘This is one of the most important questions to think about before you move in together,’ revealed the relationship coach.
‘Decide if you are thinking with your head or your heart. It is OK to acknowledge the financial advantages of moving into together, but this should never be your primary motivation.
‘You both need to come to the same conclusion in your own time. If you can’t see a long-term future together then perhaps even though you love each other, it might not be the right move to live together full time.
‘It will only cause heartache when one of you wishes to leave, especially if one of you is dependent on the other. The complex nature of trying to untangle finances can cause potential problems down the line.
‘Establish where your relationship is going before you move in together. I don’t mean a promise of marriage but moving in with each other is a huge decision which should not be taken lightly.’
10. Have you lived with a partner before?
11. Do you like mess or order?
Tina said: ‘If one of you is on the extreme end of either scale it could spell disaster.
‘Regular conflicts will cause the partnership to become untenable. If you are so different in every way, then it might be that ultimately you are not the best match.
‘Have a conversation about any potential differences before you take the plunge – can you learn to love their unique ways?’
‘Asking this question is a clever way of assessing how your new living arrangement will pan out between you both,’ explained Tina.
‘It also gives you insight into any past conflicts or problems your partner had with an ex.
‘It is a good opportunity to talk about your own past experiences and how you can learn from any past mistakes.
‘This is something you should be able to talk about at this stage of a relationship and if your partner has had several failed living arrangements and partnerships you need to discuss why this could have been.
‘It is best to ask this question even before you contemplate moving into together – past behaviours often predict future behavioural patterns, so it is always wise to get the bigger picture.’
12. Have you been together long enough?
‘There is no wrong or right time to move in together, do it at your own pace,’ insisted the expert.
‘But just be honest and open about your feelings to ensure you are doing it for the right reasons and not being pushed prematurely into it, potentially if one of you has a change in living arrangements such as a rental tenancy agreement ending. Being a direct communicator is important.
‘When it feels right, try, and move in together on an equal slate. Moving into their flat or house can feel easier but ultimately it is their house, and not just in bricks and mortar.
‘Renting is an easier way of dipping your toe in if you feel you may not be ready for monetary commitment in a mortgage but really love this person. That’s OK to admit. Life throws us lots of curve balls and we never know what’s lies ahead.’
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