Written by Lauren Geall

As Stylist’s digital writer, Lauren Geall writes on topics including mental health, wellbeing and women’s issues. She’s also a big fan of houseplants and likes to dabble in film and TV from time-to-time. You can find her on Twitter at @laurenjanegeall.

New research from the dating app Hinge suggests emotional vulnerability in a potential partner has become more important than looks, income and height for over half of daters.  

Everyone has their own set of priorities when it comes to dating – but as we head into ‘cuffing season’, more and more of us are putting emotional vulnerability at the top of our must-have list for a potential partner.

That’s according to new research by the dating app Hinge, which found that 61% of Hinge daters believe emotional vulnerability is more important in a potential partner than attributes such as attractiveness, income or height.

The research also found that 93% of daters prefer to date someone who is emotionally vulnerable, while over half (66%) of daters said they’d be more likely to go on a second date with someone if they were emotionally vulnerable on the first date.  

While it’s hardly surprising that a large majority of people want to date someone who is emotionally vulnerable (as opposed to someone who is emotionally shut-off), the number of people prioritising emotional vulnerability in their search for love represents a significant shift in the way people are approaching the process of dating and finding a new partner.

Whereas in the past talking about your emotions on a first date may have been deemed inappropriate or ‘cringy’, nowadays, it seems as if we are increasingly done with surface-level conversations and ready to get into the deeper stuff from the offset.

But how can you toe the line between being emotionally vulnerable and sharing too much? And how can you help your date feel more comfortable in being open? According to Logan Ury, Hinge’s director of relationship science, the key is being aware – both about how much you’re sharing and how comfortable the other person is feeling.  

“On early dates, there’s a fine line between being emotionally vulnerable and oversharing – the trick is to let someone in but without revealing too much information,” Lury says.

“While there aren’t hard and fast rules, understand that some more personal things about yourself should only be shared when someone has earned your trust. Dating is a dance where you move towards each other and deepen your connection. You don’t have to share everything on a first date.”

She continues: “You can encourage your date to open up by showing them that it’s safe and acceptable to do so. Set the tone by sharing some personal things about yourself.

“However, don’t rush. Like most things, you want to start slow and ease into it. If you sense they don’t feel comfortable, reverse and head down a less vulnerable path.” 

If you want to start a conversation that allows you and your partner to be more emotionally vulnerable, Lury recommends starting with some questions.

“Some people feel more comfortable sharing when they’ve been asked a question first,” she explains. “Help your date dig in by asking them follow-up questions, encouraging them to go deeper.

“For example, if they talk about their job, ask ‘What surprises you most about your career?’ or ‘What would 16-year-old you think of what you’re doing now?’ You can use thoughtful questions to shape the conversation.”

While the idea of being emotionally vulnerable in front of someone you’ve just met may seem intimidating, it’s clear that pushing yourself to be more open on first dates could be beneficial down the line. At the end of the day, relationships are all about knowing each other better than anyone else – and what better time to start that process than at the very start?

Images: Getty

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