Meghan Markle just sat down for a lengthy interview with The Cut, and was asked what it was like to visit England for the Queen’s Jubilee. Speaking of her return to Frogmore Cottage, Meghan said “You go back and you open drawers and you’re like, Oh my gosh. This is what I was writing in my journal there? And here’s all my socks from this time?

She added that the experience of returning to her old life was “surreal” adding that “It was bittersweet, you know? Knowing none of it had to be this way.”

While she didn’t get into the events of the Jubilee specifically (there have been reports of tension), Meghan was asked if she’s ready to forgive the royals—as well as her own estranged family members.

“I think forgiveness is really important. It takes a lot more energy to not forgive,” she said. “But it takes a lot of effort to forgive. I’ve really made an active effort, especially knowing that I can say anything. I have a lot to say until I don’t. Do you like that? Sometimes, as they say, the silent part is still part of the song.”

Read Meghan’s full interview over this way, where she also talks about her upcoming Netflix docuseries with Prince Harry. Quick tease before we go: “The piece of my life I haven’t been able to share, that people haven’t been able to see, is our love story.”

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