CAROLINE BULLOCK: Tasteless, desperate, reduced to rubber romper suits and ‘sad and gross’ videos… as Madonna announces a new world tour aged 64, pray she doesn’t humiliatingly strip herself of her place in our cultural history
Who’s That Girl?
With the announcement of a new greatest hits world tour, it seems there has never been a better opportunity for Madonna to remind us.
Because recently, the fearless, once peerless mistress of reinvention who originated dance pop and defined the modern-day popstar has become more imposter than icon – unrecognizable – and it’s not just the inflated lips.
Bondage clad and legs akimbo in a spate of tasteless Instagram videos, the singer’s bid for relevance has seemed more desperate than the cutting edge we’re used to.
The singer has never seemed more out of ideas, so late to the party that they’ve stopped the music and thrown away the empty bottles.
It’s been a depressing watch. And at this age, she seems set in her ways.
Madonna announced her 40th anniversary tour with a bizarre, raunchy video of B to D list celebrities crowded around a table – as Madge goads them in a game of Truth or Dare to dunk their genitals into margaritas and drink them and imitate sex acts on bread products and Evian bottles.
‘This is kind of like sad and gross,’ says avant-garde comedian and apparently uneasy participant Eric André.
Yes, it is.
Of course, provocation has long been Madonna’s schtick; she’s an artist rooted in sex and at 64 has no plans to give that up.
But quite frankly, she should.
The year 2022 marked the 30th anniversary of the world’s bestselling coffee table book, Sex, a reminder of when Madonna was at the top of her game and setting the agenda.
Madonna announced her 40th anniversary tour with a bizarre, raunchy video of B to D list celebrities crowded around a table.
Madge goads them in a game of Truth or Dare to dunk their genitals into margaritas (above) and drink them and imitate sex acts on bread products and Evian bottles.
Sold in sealed bags and branded ‘morally intolerable’ by the Vatican, the explicit but arty images of the singer and others including Naomi Campbell were a daring risk for such a famous mainstream artist. And far from being exploited, the Brooklyn native was, quite literally, calling the shots.
Like that other 80s material girl, Margaret Thatcher, she was always in control whether unnerving entertainment giants like David Letterman in interviews with her sweary sass or straddling William Dafoe in erotic thriller Body of Evidence.
And remember the days when she loved adopting different personas?
One minute a dominatrix next a children’s author writing Mr. Peabody’s Apples. We even got self-styled lady of the manor complete with affected English accent and a matching cardigan and sweater when she married film producer Guy Ritchie
In short, there was a bit of a light and shade.
Not so today, just a default uniform of a rubber romper suit and perma- aggressive sexuality now so oddly reductive and one dimensional.
What was always on her terms now seem reactive, desperate rather than daring and its threatening to compromise her pioneering legacy.
The recent Instagram stunts – drinking out of dog bowls, squatting over sauce bottles or posing topless, modesty preserved by emojis (what else?), are pretty tacky – and that’s being kind.
They’re uninspired regardless of age and gender while the actual music or rather lack of it, feels like afterthought.
It’s 17 years since her last smash hit Hung Up and a decade on from arguably the last strong performance when she was joined by CeeLo Green and Nicki Minaj at the 2012 Superbowl half time. Sounding strong and looking slick it managed to be a perfectly pitched reminder of her greatest hits all given a fresh spin in the presentation.
More recently she has been less convincing – notably her much-hyped appearance at the 2019 Eurovision contest held in Israel.
Many thought Madonna was too cool and famous to perform at this often much derided international singing competition and so it seems did she.
What was always on her terms now seem reactive, desperate rather than daring and its threatening to compromise her pioneering legacy.
The recent Instagram stunts – drinking out of dog bowls, squatting over sauce bottles or posing topless, modesty preserved by emojis (what else?), are pretty tacky – and that’s being kind.
Swaggering around like the mega star she is, ready to show the assortment of novelty acts and Kazakhstan’s finest how it’s done, she ended up being one of the few acts on the night that struggled to sing in tune. For once the usual chutzpah looked exactly what it was – misplaced and unmerited.
The spat with rapper Cardi B gets even closer to the nub of the issue.
The WAP singer took offense with the Queen of pop’s robust reminder that she had paved the way for the recent crop of sexually liberated female artists from Miley Cyrus to Megan Thee Stallion.
‘You’re welcome bitches’ announced Madonna on her Instagram account – a nod to how she had to deal with the judgement of a society that wasn’t ready for behavior that falls under today’s ever widening banner of ‘female empowerment.’
She’s right, she was a trailblazer. Yet the shock value she once monopolized has become diluted amongst her inferior pretenders.
Shocking behavior – is just not shocking anymore. We’re saturated by it. It’s not brave, it’s trite.
Of course, negotiating your seventh decade in the pop industry was never going to be straightforward for a woman whose currency comes from sexual power.
Yes, Madonna is victim of ageism and sexism always ripe for criticism and ridicule simply for being a 64-year woman not playing by the rules.
She’s right, she was a trailblazer. Yet the shock value she once monopolized has become diluted amongst her inferior pretenders. (Above) Madonna post a video of her drinking out of a dog bowl
The double standards that revere a near 80-year-old Mick Jagger strutting around the globe belting out the back catalogue ensure that she has to bat away predictable ‘grandma’ taunts from other performers like 50 Cent.
But Madonna is a legend for a reason; her place in cultural history cemented.
Whether the relevance she so desperately craves will return is debatable but getting back to the basics of her craft and having a break from competitive gross outs on Instagram would help.
It’s why this new tour has never been more timely or important, a deserved celebration of a rich and eclectic back catalogue while she still has the body and energy to do it justice.
Yet if she is to reclaim her crown, she can’t afford any of the complacency that can creep in when artists wallow in nostalgia. Strong vocals and creativity with less crass will be critical if she is to express herself better than her recent antics.
Icons lead, they don’t follow the herd. Madonna would do well to remember that.
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