Should I dump my boyfriend because of his messy house?

My boyfriend wants to move in with me but his house is full of c**p and makes me feel dirty – should I end it?

  • Woman took to British parenting forum Mumsnet to ask for relationship advice 
  • READ MOARE: I tried to ban my husband from attending his ex-wife’s funeral

A woman has divided opinions after asking if she should end a three-year relationship with her partner over his messiness. 

The anonymous woman shared the dilemma on UK forum Mumsnet, desperate for any suggestions from fellow users on how best to tackle the issue.

Describing her partner’s living situation, she continued: ‘His 25% share of a one bed flat is messy and dusty and cupboards are full of c**p.’

She added that her boyfriend would rather watch TV than do any chores, and said he’s also become ‘old before his time’ due to his friendship group. 

The majority of commenters urged her to end things, saying she doesn’t want to be stuck with a ‘man child’, while a handful encouraged her to have an honest conversation.  

The anonymous woman shared the dilemma on UK forum Mumsnet and asked other users for advice [stock photo]

Outlining her problem, the mother – who lives with her two grown-up sons – explained how she has previously tried to encourage him to take better care of his living space.

She wrote: ‘I’ve been with my partner nearly three years.’  

‘He is wanting to take things further and almost move in with me. I own my house outright and have two children at home in their 20s.’ 

Explaining space was already a premium in her household, the mother revealed they all share just one bathroom and her sons’ girlfriends often spend the night.

As such, they’ve come up with a ‘rota’ for using the shower – meaning she’s hesitant about another person coming to live under their roof.

‘To start with it wasn’t too bad as his parents visited so it was cleaner but sadly no more. I feel dirty in it,’ she said of her partner’s home.  

‘I have made gentle comments [about the dust and suggested going on trips to the dump] but they fall on deaf ears

‘He’d rather watch TV than mop the floor or tackle a room.’

What’s more, she says her partner – who is a Freemason – also socialises with older people due to his hobbies, which she didn’t delve into.

She added: ‘He has become old before his time.’

Outlining her dilemma, the woman explained how she had tried to gently nudge her partner into cleaning his space

She concluded the post by asking: ‘Any suggestions before I call and end it?’ 

The post has racked up dozens of responses – with the overwhelming majority urging her to follow her instincts and call it quits.

One user responded: ‘I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who can’t keep their living space clean. If he doesn’t do it now, he certainly won’t do it when you move in together. Don’t waste your time on this one’.

Another stated: ‘No suggestions other than end it’

A third said: ‘Well, either you say something and be very, very blunt and you wait until you see consistent change before taking things further, or you end up with another child to look after in your home and with no help with day to day cleaning and tidying.’

Painting a bleak picture for the future, a fourth wrote: ‘You will lose all respect for him and resent him. You will not be sexually attracted to him and eventually will have to get rid of him after many years of misery and feeling taken for granted. I know which option I would be pursuing’.

The post has racked up dozens of responses – with the overwhelming majority urging her to follow her instincts and call time on the relationship

Echoing this sentiment, one added: ‘He is lazy. You’d end up with another person to parent. You’re unhappy in his home atm. Moving in together would mean you’d be unhappy at home all the time or unhappy doing everything.’

‘Do you go out on dates? Do you have fun together? What was the last night out/day out he arranged?’ 

One stated bluntly: ‘No suggestions. Just cut your losses and end it, you don’t need this man-child in your life.’

A small group of users opposed the majority and suggested ways the two could live together in harmony.

One wrote: ‘I think you need to be kind but honest and say, your house is dirty, you don’t clean, I don’t want you to move in with us because it’s enough work to keep the house clean already and I would want a net contributor, not a taker. He needs to hear it.’

Having gone through a similar situation, another added: ‘Continue to live separately. Living together is NOT going to work. From experience, it never gets better. You can’t train him.’

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