Evangeline Lilly is looking back at the early seasons of Lost and is admitting it’s hard for her to do as she is critical of her acting.

“We would have Lost parties where the cast would get together to watch the show, and when it would be a Kate-centric episode, I would want to curl in a hole and die because I knew I was bad,” she said during an appearance on the Happy Sad Confused podcast (via IndieWire). “And I still to this day will stand by the fact that I can watch the first couple seasons and I cringe because I’m not very good.”

Lost premiered on ABC in 2004 and ran for 6 seasons on the network. Lilly played the role of Kate Austen on the J.J. Abrams series throughout its run. The actor talked about when she finally started feeling comfortable in her television role.

Lilly continued, “I do feel like Season 3 was a turning point, where I went from ‘panicked, figure it out, just shoot from the hip, feel it, go with my gut,’ to ‘I hate this, I don’t want to do this, get me out of here,’ to ‘oh, I guess if I’m here, I’m stuck, and I’m going to stay, I should figure it out. And that was in Season 3, and I started to actually try to learn my craft.”

Lilly is now starring in Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania opposite Paul Rudd where she plays the role of Hope van Dyne, the Wasp.

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