Are you dating a cactus or a fern? Psychologists say choosing one of 12 relationship types can improve intimacy
- Relationship Pattern Labels (RPLs) can help couples become more intimate
- Examples include Cactus/Fern, where one needs closeness and other needs less
If you feel that your relationship is in need of a boost, then try giving it a label.
Naming it can help you and your partner be more intimate, psychologists say.
Couples were asked to fill out questionnaires about their relationship satisfaction, as well as their levels of acceptance and intimacy.
They had to rate, on a scale, how much they agreed with statements such as ‘I really feel like part of a team with my partner’ and ‘I have a hard time getting over the times when my partner’s behaviour disappoints me’.
The participants also responded to ‘when I am with my partner I feel safe and comfortable’.
They then had to choose the most fitting description of their bond from a list of 12 labels accompanied with evocative storylines demonstrating these patterns.
If you feel that your relationship is in need of a boost, then try giving it a label (file image)
These Relationship Pattern Labels (RPLs) included the ‘cactus-fern’ – for those couples in which one seeks more closeness than the other – and the ‘mountains-molehills’ – where one half sees their issues as overwhelming and the other views them as easily manoeuvrable.
The list also contained the ‘emotional-logical’ pairing, as well as a pairing of one person who likes to spend money and the other who prefers to save it.
Other combinations of couples included the teacher and student, the dreamer and realist, and the introvert and extrovert.
These Relationship Pattern Labels (RPLs) included the ‘cactus-fern’ – for those couples in which one seeks more closeness than the other (file image)
The participants were instructed to have a conversation about their RPL over the following week, using a script from the researchers to help guide their discussion.
When they completed the relationship questionnaires a week later, the researchers, from Clark University in Massachusetts, United States, found that there were ‘small, but consistent’ improvements in the couples’ satisfaction, acceptance and intimacy levels.
The results provide ‘early evidence that Relationship Pattern Labelling may be an effective mechanism for increasing central components of relationship health,’ the study concluded.
The findings were published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.
The 12 relationship types
Cactus/Fern: One partner needs more regular closeness and connection while the other needs less
Introvert/Extrovert: One needs time away from others to recharge and relax but their partner prefers to be with others
Approach/Withdraw: One tends to approach the other for interaction while the other gets overwhelmed and pulls away
Emotional/Logical: One processes their experiences emotionally while the other does this logically
Criticise/Defend: One person gives feedback in the form of criticism while their partner often responds by defending themselves
Mutual Avoidance: Both people avoid issues that arise in the relationship
Mutual Blame: Both people tend to blame each other for problems that occur between them
Mountains/Molehills: One sees issues as overwhelming while the other views them as minute
Spender/Saver: One spends money and their partner saves money
Teacher/Student: One assumes a role of teaching, the other acts as a student
Dreamer/Realist: One fantasises romantically about life while the other prefers a realistic approach
Conventional/Unconventional: One acts in a traditional manner while their partner is more radical
Source: Read Full Article